Please have a look at your writing tasks in your Homework Folder. Which one have you done?
Please proofread it and redraft it, publishing your final best version on the comment section below.
Please read other published pieces and reply with some positive feedback for your classmates!
We look forward to reading your responses,
Mrs Avdiu & Ms Robertson
if you have done two diary entries, do you have to write both of them?
You can choose one! 🙂
I have finished doing Writing Task 6 in my homework folder. This is what I have written:
The two children were excited to move into their new house in the countryside. After life in a flat, the prospect of having a garden was delightful. Looking out off the window of his new bedroom, the boy noticed a small gate at the bottom of the garden, overgrown with weeds and rusted at the hinges. He called his sister and they went to investigate. Slowly, they crept outside and tried the lock tied to the gate. It would not open. As silently as a mouse, the girl took a thin coil of metal and shoved it into the keyhole. The heavy black gate swung back as the pair tiptoed towards endless gloomy trees towering above them. “What are we doing here ?” questioned the boy darkly. The girl shrugged and continued to stride towards the shadows.
Out of nowhere, a shrill sound echoed through the forest. The boy jumped, the the hair on the back of his neck rising up in shock, and made to run back home. The girl tugged on the boy´s sweater, ripping it in half and yelled: ” Come on !”. Another piercing sound rose and this time the girl felt a nervous tinge in her stomach. Willingly, she loosened her grip on his throat and slowed her pace to a halt. A third screech bellowed out and the two kids sprinted out of the forest. Looking back, the girl saw an outline of an anonymous creature following them. The kids stopped at the gate, anxiously watching the creature approach…
Wow! I really enjoyed reading this, it really made me want to read on.
🙂 Excellent sentence starters
🙂 Varied vocabulary which has an effect on the reader (you created suspense and tension)
SP: check your spelling for ‘off’
Well done Seb
I am doing my second one:
Dear Diary,
I have to say, being a robot is so much fun especially when you get to go to outer space! Oh and by the way, I am going today but I have no idea where I am going.
Now, I am in the middle of the fields in the country side because when I take off, I would leave a humungous cloud of smoke and dust which could cover the sun for a few days which I don’t want to happen. When I took off, a screen appeared in front of me which said “choose your speed”. I put down as many nine’s as possible and I didn’t know what number it was. Suddenly, I was going so fast the I was out of the Earth’s atmosphere in less than a millisecond and after a minute, I was out of the Milky way galaxy [our galaxy]. I decided to go to Rigel but it was in our galaxy so I had to come back. I didn’t go too close to it because it is a blue super giant and it is 100,000 times bigger than the sun so I could melt and I don’t want my body to remain in space forever whilst I was moving, everything was a blur and I wanted to enjoy the view so I slowed down the speed.
As I was crossing space, I saw a dot woosh past me so I decided to chase it because it could have been a meteoroid, but suddenly it stopped. When I was next to it, it was another robot in space like me! I asked it what its name was and if he came from Earth, he told me that his name was Bolt and he had no idea what Earth was and the only planet he knew and came from was Netuner [net-un-er]. He then brought me to his planet and it was just like ours but the people were a bit weird looking. When I brought him to Earth, he thought that it mas cool and our technology was more advanced than his.
When we said bye, he asked me if we could be friends and I said ”ok”
Marco
Wow! I really enjoyed reading this exciting story.
🙂 Excellent story line
🙂 Great use of the clause ‘which’
Target: please proof- read and check spellings. Could you start some sentences with adverbial phrases like we learnt in class?
Well done Marco
Hello Mrs Avdiu this is a suspense story about my kitten Coco I hope you enjoy .
Once there was a Kitten called Coco who had a pair of fantastic emerald green eyes . As she galloped in her magnificent leopard coat , she could smell a wonderful cent of cat treats .” Come on slowcoach before you know it the cat treats are gone “hissed Coco’s siblings but Coco ignored them for she didn’t want silly cat treats she wanted to be free to roam anywhere outdoors but whenever she tried her owner Mathilde would stop her.
One night when Coco could not sleep she made a plan , whenever Coco tried to escape , Mathilde would catch her but Mathilde was asleep so Coco could easily creep out into the night . Luckily for Coco , one of the windows were open so Coco quietly sneak out into the open .
One small step for cat one giant leap for cat kind she has finally done it ! She was free ! It felt marvellous to be free , as she flew from chimney to chimney , a gentle breeze stroked her fur . Then she stopped … All was silent not even the slightest rustle from the trashcans … but wait something was moving , as Coco inquisitively jumped down from one of the possessed Houses and into the dark deserted streets .
The nose came closer and closer and closer until Coco could feel the vibrations on her face flap flap . She stumbled closer . At this point the shadow was towering over her ! Her heart was in her moth ! Flap flap … oh it was just a bird Coco sighed in relief , she was felling tired so she decided to go back to bed
The End
Mathilde, this is wonderful and what a delightful kitten you have! If I had a kitten like Coco, I would want to write about her too!
🙂 Lovely figurative language; I especially liked your play on the phrase ‘cat lind’ instead of ‘mankind’
🙂 You creates lots of suspense… I had no idea it would only be a bird!
Target: please check spelling for ‘cent’ and check your punctuation, especially in the first and second paragraph (full stops). Try to avoid comma splicing; as we discussed in class. Sometimes a full stop should be where the comma is- too many commas make it confusing for the reader.
Highlights of the History of Film by Ayako Ward
The history of film shows how everyday life clips became long complex and interesting movies. This history is important because film is one of our main sources of entertainment, leisure and how we can learn about other people’s lives. Three key historical events in the evolution of the film industry are outlined below.
The First Projection
On the 28th of December 1895 the Lumiere brothers developed the first projector that was able to show a film on the screen. The projector was called the Cinematograph which could also be used as a handheld camera. This invention allowed cinemas to open to wider audiences and film makers could develop the film industry for a mass audience. The projector enabled many people to watch films at the same time and in different locations.
Silence to Sound
A second major development occurred on the 15th August 1927. The first film with spoken words and dialogue was released (The Jazz Singer). This was the first sound movie to replace silent movies. Sometimes it was called the first “talkie” because people talked all throughout the movie. Thanks to the spoken words, it meant that it was more popular, entertaining and interesting. This resulted in the film industry growing even more because a growing number of people payed to watch films and cinema became a popular leisure activity.
Home Viewing
The VHS (Video Home System) is a machine that allowed easy recording and watching of films at home. This invention was released on the 16th August 1976. Many people-including experts- said because of the VHS nobody would go to the cinema and audiences would watch movies at home. However, the movie companies were clever and to protect the cinema they released new movies to the cinema first then only months later on VHS. This strategy kept the cinema alive!
Conclusion
In conclusion today the history of film suggests that the cinema will be here for a long time into the future. The fascinating thing about this history is that the industry has developed and adapted to new technology including sound, colour and VHS. All of these innovations have improved the cinema experience.
PS My favourite film is Howl’s Moving Castle!
PPS Happy Birthday Ms Avdiu!
Thank you for the birthday wish and for sharing this informative writing with us Ayako!
🙂 Excellent spellings. Did you use a dictionary?
🙂 Great relevant subheadings
T: check whether your conclusion links to your title.
Diary Entry 1
Dear Diary, just landed in London Town. Time to explore London. Everyone is looking at me strangely as I am a robot. Some people are mean and some are freindly. I see houses, shops, cars and animals. I am heading to a forest to talk to animals. It is getting dark I don’t know what to do. I am going to ask someone to let me stay in their house for a week. A lot of people said no so now I am going back to the forest to sleep as no one said yes to let me sleep for a week at their house. It is the next day time to explore more of London Town. Today I saw another robot n the streets. I told him it is boring here let’s go back to space.
Jacob
Diary entry 2
Dear diary, the robot I met yesterday is called Bob, he was really nice. He said that London isn’t boring and he will show me around. I am meeting him at Regent’s Park 12:00pm today. We are going to Big Ben, Buckingham Palace and The Shard. Hopefully it is fun because if not we agreed to go back to space ?. It was very fun today so I told him let’s stay here. See you soon diary.
Jacob
Well done Dylan.
🙂 You included features of a diary entry
🙂 I like the way you describe other character’s reactions to the robot
Target: check spelling for ‘freindly’ and check punctuation. There are a few full stops missing.
Hey Everyone,
I hope you are having a fantastic day so far.
This is my suspense story that I have done for homework.
Sofie’s curly brown fur and super long whiskers flew behind her as she strolled through the park.She felt like someone was watching her. Climbing onto the swing, Sofie noticed huge green beady eyes staring at her. In a blink of an eye, Sofie noticed right away that it was George the cat eating dog. Sofie took a step back and ran as fast as she could to get away from George .
George was discussing dog , he ate anything he would find on the street. While George was chasing Sofie he stopped and found a uneaten hamburger in the bin. Sofie was smart so she was trying to find a hiding place and that was the dirty swere so George would not find her.
Sofie was afraid she had never been in the swere before.
She heard George’s voice echoing ‘’ Were are you Sofie, I know your hiding ‘’,but Sofie hesitated.
By the way Happy birthday ? Mrs Avdiu
????????
Thank you for the birthday wish and what a lovely treat to read this piece of writing from you, Elena. I really enjoyed it.
🙂 Excellent vocabulary
🙂 I love the descriptive language in the first paragraph especially
Target: ‘Discussing’ should be ‘disgusting’ and please also check spelling for ‘were’ ‘your’ ‘swere’.
Dear Miss Avdiu, dear Miss Robertson,
Hope you’re fine today.
This is my writing task number 1 with diaries:
1* Dear Diary, March 2020, on a street.
I finally arrived on planet Earth. I don’t really know what time is it because I have the feeling that two minutes ago, I was on planet Mars. I guess it could be morning because the sun is coming out.
During my first steps on Earth, I meet people. They really look anxious, tired and stressed. They told me a strange virus called “corona” came on their planet and that they do not have medicine yet. Maybe my mission on Earth is to help them and to save their planet..?
2* Dear Diary, time 8.35 am in an hotel.
I finally know the time thanks to a clock I found. It is the morning.
Today, I have a new big mission to achieve. In fact, I have to find a machine to go back in time.. I need to go back at Mayan times. I have to save my family and their friends to a big war which destroyed their village… Where can I found this machine? Where should I go first? This is my mission… I need to find clues to help me!
Oh Violette – this is just wonderful! Yes, a robot coming on to Earth nowadays would be very confused!
🙂 Good use of rhetorical questioning
🙂 I like the way you use time at the beginning to help the reader understand when this happened
Target: could you let us know how you feel? Also, check ‘to a big war’ and change the word ‘to’…..
Hello everyone,I hope you are all well. This is my work from writing task 4:
All was dark. Ella and Kaylie crept down past the Money Tree Field and across Dead Man’s Farm. As quite as mice, they clutched each other while tiptoeing over the Shark’s Pit. Out of the blue,the bridge they were walking across started to crumble. What are we going to do thought Ella as she held Kaylie even tighter, we are going to get eaten! They were running across the bridge as fast as the speed of light but they weren’t going to make it. They ran,and ran,and ran, and as Ella reached out for the other side, the bridge broke and they fell…
It was the worst feeling ever. Then Ella saw Kaylie going down faster than her until Kaylie was out of sight. Ella was alone falling to her death. Finally, after what felt like hours, she landed. It was…soft!? She picked some of it up. It felt… like cotton!? She tried some of it. It tasted…like candyfloss!? Out of nowhere, she heard Kaylie’s voice! Ella thought that her and Kaylie had died and were now in Heaven. So, she began to walk towards Kaylie’s voice. “ELLA! Ella, where are you?” screamed Kaylie. Ella replied “Right here,” and Kaylie jumped but then gave her friend a huge hug. Ella told her what she was thinking and where she thought they were. Kaylie said that when she hit the ground she saw a golden door. They both agreed that they should try and get through that door…
So, with that they began to walk.They walked, and walked, and walked and walked for miles. After quite a while, Kaylie began to moan how her legs were hurting and eventually Ella joined in on the moaning, even thought nobody heard them. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally saw the magic door, it was as bright as the sun but still they walked towards it. Kaylie put her hand out and opened the door…
… and saw the most delicious thing ever! It was incredible. Kaylie and Ella stood in awe. Slowly and quietly, Ella whispered ” I-Is this candyland?”Then, a huge grin appeared on Kaylie’s face as she ran through screaming “It must be!” Ella ran after, smelling the fresh peachy air. In the distance, they saw their houses and began to sprint towards them. Onces they reached their homes they said they goodbyes and walked in to their houses…
Kaylie sat up and gasped for air. Huh thought Kaylie, oh it must’ve been a dream. But it felt so real? Was it a dream or was it reality…
I really enjoyed reading this, Elsa!
🙂 lovely variety of sentence starters. I liked the way you started a sentence with a simile (‘as quiet as mice’)
🙂 Good use of rhetorical questions
Target: please check punctuation. There are quite a few question marks missing!
Hello everyone hope you are all right this is my writing for task 3.
THE LIFE CYCLE OF A SNAKE
The life cycle of a snake starts with the egg stage and ends at the adult stage. In some snake species, the female gives birth to the young ones and there is no egg stage. Just like most reptiles snakes have sexual dimorphism which means you cant tell if it is a boy or girl by just looking at it. Depending upon the climate conditions, the mating seasons of snakes vary. Also male snakes rarely go into a fierce battle for getting the female snake. Female snakes produces a smell called pheromones that attracts the male so that is how they mate.
STAGE 1 EGGS After mating, the female snake stores the sperms in the oviduct for about 1-2 months. The female then produces large eggs, which after releasing from the ovary are fertilised by the sperm from the oviduct. It lays the fertilized [about 10-15 in number] in shallow holes or under the rocks. The outer covering of snakes eggs is not hard rather it resembles a soft leather. The female snake guards and look after the egg till they hatch into young ones.
this is only stage one of the life cycle in my next blog I will write about stage 2 and 3.
Thank you so much Claudia.
🙂 Excellent punctuation
🙂 Super spellings
Target: can you include an introductory paragraph?
Hello everyone! I know that this task was given one the 30th March and I am responding to it on the 15th April, but I thought it would be nice if I share what I have been up to in my writing tasks.
Today I have finished all my tasks and I would like to share my favourite one – the 6th task. I really hope that you will enjoy it.
P.S. IT’S REALLY LONG!!
The two children were excited to move into their new house in the countryside. After life in a flat, the prospect of having a garden was delightful. Looking out off the window of his new bedroom, the boy noticed a small gate at the bottom of the garden, overgrown with weeds and rusted at the hinges. He called his sister and they went to investigate.
Slowly, the children crept down to the garden. They kept looking back to see if their parents were approaching. Once they got down to the door they used all their might to try opening it, but the door stayed still like an English guard guarding the Buckingham palace. ”I have an idea” said the girl, whilst looking at her brother’s disappointed face. She took one of her hair-clips and shoved it into the keyhole. The massive doors swung back as the two quickly but carefully tiptoed inside. The dark gloomy trees danced as the wind blew against them.
Getting used to this atmosphere, the pair cuddled together and looked around at the deserted woods.
BANG!
The tall black gate slammed shut behind them as the wind blew coolly around the pair.
The girl’s face was pale as the thought of being stuck in this spine-chilling place forever reached her mind. “No! I don’t want to be stuck here! This was such a stupid idea! Aaaghh! I shouldn’t have listened to you!” The girl burst out into tears.
It was only a few minutes later when the girl stopped crying, thanks to her brother who was confronting her. “Look, we can all get scared sometimes and its ok. C’mon, let’s keep exploring. We are going to have a lot of fun, trust me!” he said to her whilst walking forwards.
The girl looked back at the gate, her eyes still watery from crying. The gate was now two meters away but to the girl it seemed like 200 kilometres away. She was still looking at the gate, when something caught her eye.
Someone or something was watching them. They were coming closer and closer. The girl immediately froze and grabbed her brother’s hand.
“No, no, no, no! Come on, this isn’t even the place I dreamed of dying – honestly! Right in our garden!” the girl said under her breath as her brother turned on his heels, curiously watching the figure approaching.
The creature wore long black robes that could probably cover a bed – the creature had bloody devilish eyes that were the size of tennis balls.
The kids were now breathing heavily. “Oh snap – we are going to die! Honestly, this monster! It’s huge, it can probably gobble us at the same time!” said the boy looking amazed as the creature approached. He showed no sign of fear towards this mighty creature. However, the girl was looking confused and worried. “Thanks for bringing that up! It will surely brighten up my day before I die, won’t it?!” said the girl whilst rolling her eyes.
Suddenly, something tapped her on her shoulder. She turned around but nothing was there. “What?!” she thought to herself “How can… I just… something touched…” just then she was interrupted by something.
“LILLY! WAKE UP!!” screamed her brother anxiously. “Come on! I saw this really cool door at the bottom of the garden – wanna come with me so that we can investigate!?”
Lilly froze for a moment then said “I wouldn’t if I were you, Ben. Horrible down there – I’ve been. Nearly died. So that’s a no from me.”
“Been there… What!? You were up her this whole time – must have been a dream! Well, see you down stairs then, mum made delicious breakfast.”
With that, the boy strolled down stairs. “A dream – it can’t be, it felt so real…” the girl thought to herself.
The end
Have a lovely day!!
Thank you Nika!
🙂 You created so much suspense in this story. I was on the tips of my toes!
🙂 You used some effective language. I particularly liked the simile: ‘the door stayed still like an English guard guarding Buckingham palace’.
Target: Please try not to end your story with it being a dream! ‘Just a dream’ endings can often disappoint the reader unless they are linked to the next part of the story or to an event which further develops the story.
Could you think of a different way to end the story that would make the reader feel relieved? Could you end with a cliffhanger instead?
Hi everyone,
I have done lots more writing tasks but I am only publishing 2 of them here. They are Writing Tasks 3 and 1.
Snow Leopard
INTRODUCTION
Snow Leopards are large rare cats who live in the mountainous regions of South and Central Asia. They can weigh up to 32kg and feast on wild sheep, goats, pikas and also hares.
CUBS
As cubs, Snow Leopards are tiny and helpless. They do not open their eyes until they are approximately 1 week old. After 2 months, Snow Leopard cubs start to eat proper, solid food and after 3 months they start to follow their mother and hunt prey for themselves with their tremendous jumping ability and fierce, sharp claws.
GROWING UP
Male Snow Leopards become sexually mature aged 4 years old, females aged 3. In captivity Snow Leopards have been known to live around 22 years while in the wild they only live from 10 to 12 years as life in the wild is much tougher and harder than in zoos.
FACTS
Snow Leopards are not actually able to roar. Instead they growl purr and use gestures to scare off their enemies. This rare species of animal is reported to live as high up as 5 860 meters above sea level! They can also prey on animals three times their own body weight. Sadly there are only 4 000 Snow Leopards living in the wild today.
This is my writing task for the robot diary entry. I have done 3 of them but I will only put 2.
Diary Entry 1
Dear diary,
Today I woke up feeling slightly heavier than usual. I got out of bed and heard this weird metallic crunch from somewhere. To check if I was alright I walked nervously towards the mirror in the corner of the room. Staring back at me was the face of a robot. In panic, I turned daring expecting to find some robot toy but there was no toy, I was the robot! But how could this be? Yesterday I was perfectly normal but I had somehow transformed through the night. Apprehensively, I crept down the stairs for breakfast, looking at the floor. I could feel everyone’s eyes looking at me, shocked. Slowly, I looked up but they had already gone in a flash and I could hear several bedroom doors slam shut. It was like this all day, when I went outside everything was deserted and people were all hiding. I thought that I had done nothing bad to these people and that it was not my problem that I had turned into a robot. I walked home but found the front door locked so I settled myself on a nearby bench.
Diary Entry 2
Dear Diary,
Sleepily, I heard a distant voice waking me up. ” Coming mum !”. But it wasn’t my mum at all. Suddenly, I remembered yesterday’s events and groaned. I opened my eyes and sure enough I saw those long metal legs again. The voice came from a shadow above me. When I looked up I saw, to my amazement, another robot. He spoke in a kind sort of way that I recognised from somewhere. But it couldn’t be. Tentatively, I asked ” Excuse me, is your name Matt?” “JEFF!” he replied automatically. At once they felt warmth between them as if we knew each other from school. We walked together through the still deserted streets and played with each other’s switches accidentally making my friend blow up! I hope that everything will turn out normal.