Good morning Class 4!
I hope you are all doing well and have enjoyed another week of online activities.
Please visit our mindfulness blog to tell us what you are planning to do this weekend!
Onto today’s writing task…
Yesterday you started writing some fantastic poems about a storm at sea, just like the one that Prospero conjured up in The Tempest.
Make sure you have read your feedback carefully, but you might also want to read other people’s poems and feedback for even more ideas. Remember your poem really has to capture everything that is happening in the storm.
Today, you have a number of things to do…
1.) Edit your work, according to the feedback you were given. Try to make your poem even better and remember it must include Mighty Metaphors and Storm Similes.
2.) Check your work for spelling and punctuation mistakes and correct these.
3.) Write your poem out again as neat as you can. As it is a poem, you might want to decorate your final version. Perhaps you could create a page border or draw a picture of a storm or a boat in the storm to go with your poem.
4.) When you have finished your final version and you are happy that your poem sounds and looks amazing, send it in so that I can share it on the blog for all of your friends to see!
Good luck!
I can’t wait to read and see your final versions!
Well done for working so hard on The Tempest this week! You are all brilliant!
From Miss Lee
FOR A PRINTABLE VERSION OF THIS BLOG, PLEASE CLICK HERE: English
Competition!
If you go to the Primary Shakespeare Company’s website you will see they have put up another competition this week.
For the competition they are asking you to act out the scene of the storm, imagining that you are on the ship.
Perhaps this will help you to write your descriptions for your poem?
If you think back to when we learnt about Shackleton and his crew, we acted out what it would be like to board the ship in our classroom. Hopefully this will give you some ideas!
THE SACRED STORM
as the foamy waves crash against the silent shore,
I hear the wind’s almighty roar,
for tonight we all take flight.
I tried to hold my teddy tight,
because this was not our fight.
As I jumped out of my bed,
the wind there it led;
out in the middle of the night,
it was not a very good sight.
the wind soared and soared,
as it was a broken cord.
This is a wonderful poem Amarissa. You have included some great vocabulary to describe the different elements of the storm. Your rhyming couplets create a good rhythm to your poem.
Next time, make sure you include the main focus of the writing. This week we were focusing on similes and metaphors so there should be lots of these in your poem.
THE STORM
Once there was a magical
Storm that punished the
Evil king alonso by trying to
Trap him and suffer
King alonso then celebrated
His daughter’s birthday the ship was
Happy and the decorated to
The top and king alonso was even happier
The storm started to cave into the ship
And the clouds turned to whitest of whites
To darkest of grey Then the punishment
Was starting, the storm was lightning
And hail
The wind was as strong as the earths core
And the storm turned from awful to lethal And
The ship sunk in darkness
Great work Albert! You have used some great vocabulary to describe how the storm changed! You make the storm sound very sinister whilst telling the story of The Tempest.
Next time, don’t forget capital letters and punctuation, even in a poem!
Dear Miss,
Here is my poem!
Here I hear roaring thunder ☁️
Bang, bang, bang
It is as loud as building crushing
Crush, crush, crush
There I see a lightning ? ⚡️
It is striking the boat
It is day but as dark as night
A part for this sudden light
Flash, flash, flash
Bang, bang, bang
The boat is sinking
It is a stone in a pond
Hello Paolo!
Wow this is a great poem! You have used onomatopoeia and I have spotted some similes!
Next time, remember punctuation throughout your poem, some of your lines should have a full stop or even an exclamation mark at the end.
Hi miss Lee!
This is my poem
The sullen, savage storm
———————————
There on the relaxing sea,
As comfortable as a royal bed,
And only but only for me.
Though, here comes the waves,
The crash crash crash!
The boat is about to mash.
To mash into tiny pieces!
It is a dynamite.
And if you said so, you are right!
The sea as sullen, as a mighty lion.
The waves become stronger, mightier like…
PROSPERO!
The waves are tsunamis,
The storm was big enough to fit ? miss Lees.
The lightning together is Jupiter’s sord.
The thunder roared
The clouds went darker
This was just harder and harder.
The storm isn’t a storm
The waves aren’t the normal waves
You want to keep warm
But can you?can you?
The thunder, the lightning,
Are they normal too?
The dark purple and jet black bobbles popping,
Popping at the sight of the ship.
The ship engulting
Yes, i said engulting
Engulting in the dark blue sea as dark as a dragon’s cave.
There, the passenger’s were whaling like a new born baby.
Whaling to there vessel, there engine, there GIGANTIC engine!
All seemed lost, lost, LOST
And then you’d know it was a tempest
A magic tempest.
Hello Stella!
Wow you have written lots! Well done for working so hard on your poem (you even managed to rhyme my name 😀 ).
You have used some good vocabulary to describe the different parts of the storm and some great similes to add more detail!
Next time, be careful with your spelling of homophones there, they’re and their.
Sophie, I love the presentation of your poem, it looks brilliant!
Your poem sounds good, you have used similes, personification, onomatopoeia and a metaphor to make you poem really effective.
Next time, challenge yourself further to describe the storm in even more detail. You could have a stanza to describe each element of the storm to really help the reader imagine what a storm feels/sounds/looks like.
Holly, you have put so much effort into your poem, I love the display you have made, very creative… I might need to ask for your ideas for our classroom displays when we are back at school! 🙂
You have used some good vocabulary to describe the different elements of the storm. Also well done for including the phrase from The Tempest at the end.
Next time, remember to use joined up handwriting. Also, ensure you include the main focus of the writing. Remember this week we have been looking at similes and metaphors so there should be lots of these in your poem.
Uploaded the assignment
Good morning!I done my poem i will send my photo soon! my drawing is in the yellow homework book.
Hi ? Miss Lee! I have sent in the image for the blog. Thanks ? for your feedback! I have searched up if ugly could be used to describe a sound or not and apparently it can, but I decided to use a different word to make it sound even better ?!
Dear Miss Lee I sent you my poem as a picture
Hi Miss Lee
This is my edited version of my poem, I still wrote it in my yellow homework book, but I wanted to write it here just for fun!
The Destroying Storm!
A Ship on the sea
Sailing, sailing the ship went
Darkness began to close in
And Waves were dancing on the sea
And we’re a lot stronger.
Sailing, sailing they go,
The darkness was closing in
Crash! Crash!
Lightning! Thunder strikes the ship
They’re sinking! They’re sinking!
So the crew shouts “All lost!” “All lost!”
So they feel fear, as the ship,
Was sinking…
Well done for writing it in your yellow home learning book too!
I like that you have used a phrase from The Tempest!
You have also mentioned some of the different elements for storm, great work!
Next time, make sure you include the main writing focus. This week we were looking at similes and metaphors so there should be lots of these in your poem. This will help to make your poem even more effective!
Dear Miss Lee,
This is my complete poem. Hope you like it ??
The Storm
The sky separates
Like a shattering glass
Crash! Crash! Crash!
As deafening as a roaring tiger
Roar! Roar! Roar!
The lightning strikes
As fast as a diving eagle
Screech! Screech! Screech!
The wind is a howling wolf
Swirling around the sea
Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!
A wave of terror,
Crushed to the shore
Splash! Splash! Splash!
Rain were needles
Falling from the sky
Tap! Tap! Tap!
Then, there were silence…
A brilliant poem Clare!
You have used similes and metaphors to describe the storm which are very effective. Well done! I like the use of onomatopoeia too!
Next time, just make sure you have used commas and full stops where necessary.
Thunder and Safety!
As the foamy waves crash and blow strong,
Prospero and his daughter sang a lovely song.
I hear the winds mighty roar.
Something not to wish for.
The ship was big,
and the sailors were sick.
Thunder! Thunder! People cried.
In the distance there was a light.
The light shine very bright.
It looked like a possible place to hide.
Away from you the very strong tide.
Safety! Safety! Prospero cried.
Hi Tijne,
A great poem, well done! I like the use of rhyming couplets and you have also managed to tell part of the story through your poem! Your poem also follows a good pattern which makes it read really well.
Next time, check the tense of your work is consistent throughout. Some is written in past tense and some in present.
Ella, a great poem. I like the repetition of the final line in each stanza. It makes it really powerful. You have written some good descriptions of the different elements of the storm too!
Next time, check punctuation and spelling (eg smock should be smoke).
Nina, a very effective poem which really helps the reader to imagine the dreadful storm. The repetition of the final line in each stanza is really powerful and emphasises just how dreadful the storm was!
Next time, make sure you include punctuation in your writing and check for missing words (for example ‘no matter how hard tried’ should be ‘no matter how hard they tried’).
STORM AT SEA
Thunder and lightning,
As booming as a voice of a lion.
It is a tremble of a gigantic earthquake,
Boom, boom, boom.
Crashing waves and storm at sea,
Just like an enormous tree.
It is a streaming waterfall,
Crash, crash, crash.
Whooshing wind and scary noises,
As petrifying as a dangerous ghost.
Mysterious clouds create a howling darkness,
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
A sinking boat and all destroyed,
Just like the storm ahead.
It is a drowning dinosaur,
Sink, sink, sink.
Dark clouds and heavy rain,
It sounds like a lot of pain.
It stays their all day long,
And stays “till” June is gone.
It is just like a big nightmare,
But everyone still doesn’t care,
All is lost, all is lost.