Hello Class 4!
Today is Thursday which means we begin another weekly writing task!
You have been doing so well this week with the spelling tasks and the grammar tasks so use what you have learnt in your writing! I was very impressed with your grammar tasks especially as I could tell you had all checked your punctuation and spelling carefully before posting or sending in a photo of your work. Very well done!
Here is your task for this week…
It is based on our book The Bolds Go Wild.
Remember today’s blog is for you to share the first part of your writing so that I can give you some feedback before you continue writing. As this week’s task is a story, it is going to take a little longer to write. Usually we plan big writing tasks. If you would like to, you could plan your story and send in a photo of your plan for feedback, or write your first paragraph and await feedback on that. It is up to you!
Here is a planning template which you might want to use or follow: Story Plan
Remember, when you write a story you are writing to entertain and engage your reader. Use lots of descriptions and set the scene so that your reader can really imagine what is happening. Last week in your diary entries, lots of your feedback was to describe the rain in lots more detail, so now is a chance to do just that!
Here is an example first paragraph…
Notice how descriptive it is without even getting to the main part of the story yet.
I saw the most unusual sight in the park today. It seemed as though it was going to be yet another ordinary Sunday and most of the day was pretty normal. I got up, had breakfast, watched a bit of television and tidied my room. Suddenly I heard a frightening clap of thunder. It made me jump! I ran to the nearest window. It was the lounge window which meant I could sit comfortably on the sofa whilst I eagerly anticipated the flash of lightning. It didn’t come. I must have missed it! I am not sure how long I stayed sitting there, gazing out of the window. I found watching the rain fall heavier and heavier somewhat relaxing, almost hypnotising. The pitter-patter of the raindrops on the windowpane became more aggressive. My breath steamed up a patch of glass right in front of me. I contemplated using my finger to draw a smiley face, when it happened again… A ginormous roar followed shortly by a bolt of lightning which tore across the sky! I don’t usually like to go outside when the weather is this bad but something about this storm compelled me. I put on my wellington boots, zipped up my coat and stepped out of my front door.
Use this opportunity to really show off your writing skills (it is the last piece of work we will do on The Bolds so make it count)! Below is a list of adjectives to help you add lots of description…
Remember to vary your sentence openers.
Remember to use some speech but not lots of speech all together as this makes it hard for the reader to follow what is happening.
Remember to describe your settings.
Remember to vary the length of your sentences. Short sentences create suspense. Long sentences add detail.
Please ask if you need any help or more story-writing tips.
A story is a much longer piece of writing. Don’t try to do it all at once. If you get tired or feel like you are running out of ideas take a break and come back to it a bit later.
I can’t wait to read your work!
From Miss Lee ๐
FOR A PRINTABLE VERSION OF THIS BLOG, PLEASE CLICK HERE: English
I wrote it in my home learning book
Great, send in a photo of it to get some feedback before tomorrows publishing blog!
Hello miss,
I am quite sad ? that we will have to stop the book the Bolds.
I will write you my first paragraph. I really wanted to finish the book.
Maybe Nina and Ella or someone else can tell us the rest.
Hello Stella,
Unfortunately I only have the first 3 chapters of the book.
I will look to see if I can find the rest of it online but I think you may have to buy the book to have access to the whole story.
Maybe we have a copy in the library at school? I can have a look when I am next there!
I saw the most unusual sight today in the park?. The Bolds family were running up and down in the mud and rubbing there tushy on the leaves and having a mud all fig the mud was everywhere there was only one thing I had to do run??โโ๏ธ. By the time the rain stopped they all left the park in such a horribal state. Lukly the didn’t see me so I had to call the park clean and him that the Bolds did this and he complained that this was the third time this week.
Hello Ciana,
Well done for writing your first paragraph. You have followed the first instruction carefully by starting your story with the sentence given.
You have used capital letters and full stops accurately well done. I also like your varied sentence openers – fantastic!
Just be careful to read back through your work and check for any missing words. Sometimes reading it out loud to someone at home can help.
Also make sure you haven’t told the whole story in just one paragraph. Your story needs detail and description and you need to build up suspense.
Read my example first paragraph. I included lots of description and hadn’t even mentioned The Bolds yet, I will probably continue to say that I saw some strange things on my way to the park, such as big animal footprints in the mud. This will add suspense to my story.
Today, after a boring day at school my mum thought of going to the park.When i put my shoes on i heard a bang and laughs,i went to check but i was to slow and they got away.I told my mum to go now so we did,I told my mum about the banging and laughing,she said it would b fine but i didn’t think that …
Hello Albert!
You have done well to create some suspense in your first paragraph. It makes the reader want to read on and find out what the noise was.
Read back through your paragraph before continuing. Add lots more detail to your sentences. For example describe the bang and the laughs. Where was it coming from? How did it make you feel? Why didn’t you think everything would be fine?
Read my example paragraph and see how much description I have included in just the first paragraph.
ยง1 Hello, my name is Tic Tac and I am a robin. I saw the most unusual sight in the park today: I built my cosy nest on top of the biggest tree of the park. I have five baby birds to feed so I need to go and get worms. I do that every day. Today I expected no one in the park because it was rainy. But there were giggles. I was so amazed.
ยง2 (to be developed)
The bird discovers the Bold playing, and is surprized
ยง3 (to be developed)
The Bold leave and the bird is happy: Peace at last!
Hello Louis!
Good idea making your character a bird that sees what happens!
You have added some extra details which engage the reader with your character, well done!
Try to add some suspense to the rest of your story. Maybe the Bolds see the bird and try to chase it? Or maybe you have another idea?
Good luck with the rest of the writing!
do we have to write a paragraph because I did the plan?
Hi Martin, if you have done the plan, send in a photo of that and I will give you feedback on your plan! ๐
ok thanks??
๐
I just need t check it with my tutor
Ok, thank you for letting me know! Send it whenever you are ready!
Hello Miss Lee, I have done the first two paragraphs.
Hello Holly!
That is great! Send in a photo or type them on the blog to get some feedback before you write the rest!
Most people want to stay indoors to avoid getting wet.This ins’t the case with the Bolds. Dear me no they love the rain, rain means puddles and mud.
Hello Karter!
Some good sentences here. To get some feedback can you either write your whole first paragraph or send in your plan? It is a little tricky to give feedback on two sentences, thank you! ๐
I saw the most unusual sight in the park today. There was a bunch of hyenas jumping happily in a puddle while the cold rain added to there enjoyment. I was a bit confused because who wants to play around in the rain. I wouldnโt because I would get all wet and dirty. I cant believe Iโm seeing this am I in a dream ?
Hello Ajay!
Well done for reading the task carefully and using the starting sentence!
I like your use of the rhetorical question to show your character’s thoughts!
Just be careful not to jump straight into the main part of your story in the very first paragraph.
What you have written is fine if something big is going to happen later on. If the main event is that you saw hyenas in the park then you might want to change your first paragraph.
Have a look at my example to see how much detail I have included without jumping to the main event.
Hi miss Lee,
Here is my first part of the story.
I saw the most unusual sight in the park today. As I was coming home from school ? I heard thunder and and lightning.โ I ran as fast as a cheetah. But as I sat at home in front of the tv with some hot chocolate .? I heard people laughing and I also heard hud getting thrown on the side of the house….
Thanks ,? Tijne
Hello Tijne!
Well done for using the starting sentence!
I like your use of a simile, and fronted adverbial phrase ‘As I was coming home from school,’
Check punctuation (no full stop needed after hot chocolate).
Add some more description. What did the laugh sound like? How did it make you feel?
I saw the most unusual sight in the park today. I was at home doing the usual. Eating food, playing with my toys, watching
TV. Until I heard a strike of thunder. I was stunned! I jumped out of my seat like a flash. I dashed to the kitchen where the rest of my family was. My little brother was worried and he was holding on tightly to mom’s skirt. I grabbed the closest chair and brought it to the window. I sat there for a couple of minutes. The rain was getting a bit savage. I was getting bored so I looked away for a second and then I heard the thunder strike. I went to get my shoes and socks and I opened the door.
Hello Pablo!
Well done for using the starting sentence!
A good first paragraph! I like your descriptions of the storm and the fact that you decide to go outside when you hear a second strike of thunder lets the reader know that your character is brave and adventurous.
As you continue writing, think about what will happen in your story and how you can build up to one main event. Ensure you have a clear middle and end to follow from your first paragraph.
Good luck!
Hi Miss Lee,
Here is my first paragraph:
I saw the most unusual sight in the park today. As I had planned to meet my friends in the park for a game of Dodge Ball, I woke up early, brimming with great excitement for the day ahead. The morning started with blazing sunshine and clear blue skies. Birds were chirping in the trees, full of the joy of summer. Many people were outside, enjoying the fine, sunny day. I looked out of the window and thought that it was a perfect day for a game of Dodge Ball. However, whilst I was finishing my breakfast, I heard a tapping on the window which turned quickly into a pitter-patter. I ran to the window, full of dismay when I saw that it was raining. There was a frightening clap of thunder. Then a bright light whizzed across the charcoal-black sky. The day had turned from one with bright prospects to a gloomy beast of a day. People scuttled about, looking for a warm shelter. Puddles began plinking as the rainfall became heavier. The roofs of the cars danced with raindrops like marbles bouncing off the ground.
Hello Sophie!
This is a fantastic first paragraph! I am SO impressed! You have read the blog carefully and included lots of detail and descriptions! I couldn’t really picture the sunshine disappearing and the storm approaching! Your descriptions really grab the reader’s attention, well done!
As you continue writing, try keep using detailed descriptions. Pick one main event to happen in your story and build up to it creating suspense for your reader. Then end with a resolution.
Take time to ensure the direction of your story is clear and concise so that it reads as well as your first paragraph.
I saw the most unusual sight in the park today.my name is mochi,and I am a pigeon.you normaly see pigeons in london,or places that have food every location.but I am a teddington pigeon. we teddingtons wander in the central parks,hoping for bread near duck ponds, that kind of stuff. but not me.oh no.I try and go in disguised. but in the middle of stealing a bag of cheese puffs,In an kiosk,i saw a kooky family jumping in silly puddles.then I noticed something.they werent humans,they where animals!little,foolish, animals.they where as smart as me!!!I tried communicating with them, but they too foolish to hear me from all that racket.so I spied on them until it was rime for them to go.so I followed them until they went inside their so called “home”.the raindrops hit my wings,but I still managed to-nope.i didnt make it. but thats why I made a plan C.I went to their window ,and, you know the face pigeons make when they want to beg for food? well,I guess you don’t know that, but i do. they make this puppy eyes , and it actually worked.i didnt know if it was true,but I was going to find out if it was.so I went to the nearest window of their house,and waited for one of them to come and let me in but,eventually,they did.
Hello Amarissa!
A good idea writing your story from the prospective of a pigeon!
I like the extra information you have added to help the reader understand what kind of character you are in an entertaining way.
Check punctuation (your sentences need to start with capital letters).
Try to read your work out loud to someone at home to spot any missing words in sentences.
Try to think carefully about the direction of your story. Is seeing the Bolds the main event? If so there needs to be more build up. Your first paragraph should set the scene so include even more description about the setting and your feelings.
Do we have to start with I saw the most unusual sight in the park?
Yes ๐
I saw the most unusual sight in Regents park ? today. I was silently reading my book after a light lunch of half a home made bagel? and a pineapple smoothie. I wasn’t the least bit interested in anything except the book when lightning โก flashed, it made me jump and look over the rim of the book. I looked out of the window and as I live at the feet of Regents park, I could see the strangest sight…
I jumped downstairs, slipped on my wellies and zipped up my raincoat. I swung wide open the front door and I saw them again. It was the BOLDS!
Hello Elisa!
Well done for using the starting sentence!
A good first paragraph, well done!
You have introduced the the story well in an engaging way to make the reader want to read on to find out what happens.
Can you describe the storm in even more detail?
Hello Miss Lee I will send in a picture of my work.
Great thank you Mayowa!
I have written the first paragraph of the story.
Thank you Clara!
I saw the most unusual sight in the park today! It was raining so hard that you could have thought that it was being poured out of a bucket. As sudden as a snake lunging at it’s prey, the loud thunder and blinding lightning ? visited. The rain was now falling so heavily that when you looked through the windows, it looked like the world was flooded! For some mad reason, my mum wanted me to go outside for a walk in the park!?
Great first paragraph Vincent, well done!
You have used the starting sentence and introduced the story well by setting the scene without jumping to the main events. Great work!
Just check your sentence ‘The rain was now falling so heavily that when you looked through the windows, it looked like the world was flooded!’
Can you think of another way to describe the heavy rain? I’m not sure if this has the full effect because rain can cause floods so it sounds a bit confusing to say it looked like the world was flooded. Try and think about how to describe exactly how the rain was falling for example ‘The rainfall grew more and more intense and as I looked out of the my window the delicate drops had now turned to silver nails of rain which were hurtling to the ground and bouncing back up again.’
Sorry for the late response, I forgot to mention that I was on a course this afternoon!
Hello Clara!
Thank you for sending in your first paragraph.
Well done for starting with the opening sentence!
You have set the scene for the beginning of the day very well and your first paragraph intrigues the reader well, making them want to read on!
Check punctuation to ensure your sentences are not too long (full stop after park and start the new sentence with ‘I’ delete ‘so’).
Add even more detail for example, describe how you felt when you saw something moving outside.
As you continue writing, challenge yourself to use some exciting sentence openers.
Good luck!
Hello Martin!
Thank you for sending in your plan!
You have planned a good story which has a clear build up, climax and solution (the part where The Bolds are trying to find you should be the build up as you can create lots of suspense here, describing how you felt as they got closer and closer).
As you write the story, include lots of description about the setting, what you could see and your feelings.
Good luck!
Hello Mayowa!
Thank you for sending in your first paragraph!
I like the idea of writing your story from the prospective of the bird! Well done for using punctuation well!
Maybe change the first sentence to the starting sentence given to you as that will grab the reader’s attention from the very beginning?
Try not to jump straight to the main part of the story in the first paragraph. Use the first paragraph to set the scene and add lots of description about the weather and your character’s feelings.
Hi Miss Lee! This is my first paragraph for you to read.
I saw the most unusual sight in the park today. While I was going home from school, I got all soaking wet! Why you may ask? It was raining! I ran so fast that I got splashes in my socks, and water in my shoes. Finally, I was home and the rain started to get heavier. I then dressed up in my comfiest clothes and made a rather big cup of warm tea and butter biscuits. After that, I watched the rain as taps of water slid down my window. I got bored so I started to watch the rain drops race down as if they were competing. I then continued to drink my cup of tea until a sound interrupted my resting time . It sounded funny at first but then it got louder as I saw mud everywhere on my pavement..
Hello Clare!
Well done for using the starting sentence!
I like your descriptions in this paragraph! I could just picture your character sat inside in the warm watching the rain outside as they drink their tea! You described this well!
Great use of personification to describe the raindrops as competing as they raced down the window!
Maybe edit your last sentence slightly. Describe the sound in more detail and perhaps don’t tell the reader what you saw in the first paragraph, keep them guessing a little longer and then in paragraph 2 describe in detail what you could see (the mud on your pavement). This will allow you to continue setting the scene in paragraph 1 and then move onto some more action in paragraph 2.
Sorry for the late response, I forgot to mention that I was on a course this afternoon!
Hello William!
Thank you for sending in your plan and first paragraph! Well done for working so hard, planning will help you to keep your story on track and ensure your writing is effective!
Well done for using the starting sentence!
I really like your opening paragraph. You set the scene well and add detail about the weather in an engaging way.
For your plan, think a bit more about how to create the build up in your story. If the climax is the town floods with mud maybe the build up could be that the puddles grew deeper and deeper but there was no sign of the rain stopping. How did you feel as this was happening? What did you do to get to safety?
How was the city saved from the mud floods?
Hi Miss Lee! Sorry if I’m sending this but I have done my first paragraph but it seems like it hasn’t gone through. Thank you so much!
Hello Clare, sorry I forgot to mention I was on a course this afternoon so I took a little longer to reply today! Well done for working so hard!
My story:
I saw the most unusual sight at the park today. When I was going to start my book like I do every morning, I heard overwhelming sounds of thunder. The moment it blustered out, a lightning bolt tore through the rainy and cloudy sky. I thought it was going to stop because earlier on this morning everything was very ordinary.
I woke up, took breakfast, washed my teeth, read the news, cleaned the kitchen and my room and watched the news on my television.
Then I was going to read a book when I heard the thumping sound.
That is exactly when you came in. I heard another gigantic bang. That is when I decided to look for lightning. Comfortably, I sat on the Cosby sofa while I nervously anticipated the astonishingly rapid lightning. Yet, I thought I was quite spontaneous. I could not get my eyes of this blustering sight. My two eyes wide I felt this was kind of hypnotizing and surprising however, it was prodigious. I felt a bit obliged to go out even though the weather was amazingly cold. There I was. Putting my Wellington boots, my rain coat and my rain hat. The weather was just forcing…
Hello Stella!
A great first paragraph!
I love the detailed description of the storm and the use of authorial intrusion (sometimes called breaking the fourth wall) where you addressed the reader directly. It really helps to engage your readers!
As you continue to write, try to make sure the build-up, main event (the problem) and the solution is clear so that the reader does not get confused! Good luck!