Good Morning Year 2!
Click here for a printable version of today’s blog post: English Thursday printable
I’m so excited because today you are going to be writing your own ending to the Clever Cakes story. Read the start of the story again so that you can remember what happened: printable clever cakes extract
Remember that today is for practise. That means that you can write your opening sentence or first few sentences on the blog and then I can give feedback. You might like to start with writing a plan or jotting down your ideas, so that you know what you are going to be writing. You can then go off and finish your writing in your Home Learning books. When you finish, make sure you take a break and then have another read of it to see if you can edit it and make it better.
Use the questions above to help you order your story and to have a good structure. Remember to include descriptions of each thing you write:
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Describe the bear – what does he look like, his feelings, his thoughts
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Where does he take her – what does it look like, how is Masha feeling?
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What are her Grandma and friends doing, or thinking or feeling?
Don’t forget to share the start of your story for me to mark. But don’t type it all up today – we want to share everyone’s finished pieces tomorrow.
When you are editing, here are some questions you might want to think about:
- Does every sentence have a capital letter and full stop?
- Do any questions have a question mark?
- Have I made any sentences longer by using a conjunction? (and but or because if that when)
- Have I used too many conjunctions in a sentence so my sentence is now too long? (If you are unsure, use the rule that you can only have one conjunction (maximum two) per sentence)
- Have I included any adjectives to make my story more descriptive?
- Have I used the same adjective more than once? (Try and use different and exciting adjectives!)
The bear will take Masha to his house to clean it all deeply . Masha will escape by the window during the night. She will come back to to her grand ma’s house and go to bed.
Well done Adrien!
🙂 A great start! What a clever way for Masha to escape.
T) When you are editing, try and add in some more details – what did the house look like? How did Masha feel? What did the bear do when he discovered Masha had escaped? I think this will help your story to be more exciting!
We reached his cave which was terrible and only kept warm because of the fire.
Brilliant Finley!
🙂 I like that you have used some conjunctions to extend your sentence, and you used ‘terrible’ to describe it.
🙂 Creating some suspense.
T) When you continue writing, include a little bit more about the cave, I would love to be able to picture it how you do.
Masha screamed and struggled all the way to the bear’s home. When they arrived, Masha scrubbed the floor. She washed his trousers and ironed them. She had no choice.
“Why don’t you just buy a washing machine and a tumble-dryer like most people? Wait I mean bears,” she said.
But the bear took no notice. He was hungry, and ordered her to cook his dinner. It was three fish followed by a pot of honey. The only credit she got from all of that was a cold and six burns.
“Why don’t I get any food? I’m starving!” Masha said.
“If you want a meal, then cook a meal! What’dja think I look like, ya servant?!” barked the bear.
She didn’t want to be treated like that in a thousand years! She DEFINITELY had to get her own back.
(TO BE CONTINUED…)
A very exciting start to your story Rex, I can’t wait to see how it ends.
🙂 I like your description of Masha, saying she ‘screamed and struggled’. It is particularly effective because they start with the same letter (Like the author did when describing the bear!)
🙂 you used ‘barked’ instead of said which perfectly describes how the bear would have spoken when he was angry.
T) In your first section, try and use some more conjunctions. You have lots of short sentences which could be joined together to help it flow more.
Once upon a time there was a girl called Masha and she lived with her grandma in a little house. One day Masha asked her grandma if she could play outside with her friends and her grandma said yes. Before grandma said don’t go into the woods Masha was already hiding behind the trees deep in the woods, and couldn’t hear what grandma said to her.
After some time, she thought for a second and felt lost so she started to shout he-e-e-lp and no friends came her friends came looking for her.
Then she heard someone speaking and she looked above and saw a monstrous bear. The bear had super sharp claws and grabbed Masha and held tight. Masha was petrified and said: ‘I want to go home’. The bear said: ‘Oh, no you don’t and the bear held Masha harder so she couldn’t escape and carried her home.
When they got to the bear’s home the bear asked Masha to wash the trousers, scrub the floor and cook, dinner. Masha felt frustrated and didn’t want to do all the job as she was missing her grandma.
When it was night time Masha ran out of the bed and she escaped the bear. When morning came Masha told grandma all the things she been through and the grandma was very cross with her. Luckily, she forgave her!
THE END
Well done Marisa!
🙂 Describing how Masha felt (frustrated and missing her grandma)
🙂 Using apostrophes correctly (bear’s home)
T) You don’t need to write out the whole story, just from where the bear kidnaps Masha. This way, you can add more details to the second half – what did they bear’s house look like? Describe the night she escaped.
At the bear’s house he was about to sleep on his bed. Masha said to herself, “maybe I can escape!’. She crept quietly to the door while the bear was snoring so loudly. But the snoring was so loud that it made the pans in the kitchen fall onto the floor. The bear woke up. Masha ran. The bear ran after her…
Great work Albert!
🙂 Adding extra descriptions “crept quietly”
🙂 Having shorted sentences at the end to show how panicked Masha was feeling
T) Try not to start a sentence with a conjunction (like but).
The bear took Masha home into his dark, creepy cave. When they got to the bear’s cave the bear asked Masha to wash his trousers, scrub the floor and cook his dinner but Masha said “no I want to go back home” but the bear didn’t let her and slapped her on her back. The bear said “if you don’t do what I say you won’t get any food, any bed and will have to sleep on the floor outside my cave.” So Masha did what the bear said and had to cook her own dinner, breakfast and lunch. At night she thought of a plan to escape from the bear.
Fantastic work girls!
🙂 You’ve left it on such a cliff hanger – I can’t wait to find out her plan!
🙂 Using two adjectives with a comma to describe the cave
T) Your second sentence is very long, with four conjunctions! Try and split it into shorter sentences to make it easier to read.
1. The bear is going to take Masha to his house.
2. Cook him dinner, wash his trousers and scrub the floor.
3. Yes, because if Masha is gone for a long time then they will come looking for her.
4. She could maybe escape if she gave the bear a toy cleaner and a toy cooker.
This is a good plan Layla, can you now turn it into sentences with interesting adjectives to make it a story?
Masha had no choice but to?cook, wash? trousers, and scrub the floor? . She never got a break from the? bear. Every night? she thought about her Grandma???. She felt ? angry about the bear ?because he had taken her to do every thing for him. She tried to go out of the window (there is no emoji for window) but she couldn’t go out the window because it was locked ?. At bedtime ? she tried to get out of the door ?and she did!!!
A great start Sophia!
🙂 You’ve described that Masha was angry and gave a reason why.
🙂 Making it exciting – I want to know what happens when she gets out the door!
T) Try to include a few more adjectives to describe the characters or places.
The ?bear will take Masha to his bear ?house. He will make Masha scrub his floor, make his dinner and wash his trousers.
Masha’s ?? Gramma and Masha’s friends will be looking for her. They will be feeling?worried because they think that she has been eaten. Masha will try to escape!
Well done Luisa!
🙂 Explaining that her friends and family will be worried and giving a reason why.
T) You’ve used the future tense, this might be because you have written it like a plan (explaining what will happen in your story), but when you are writing the rest, please try to write in the same tense/style as the rest of the story (e.g. The bear took Masha to his big, bear house and made her scrub his dirty floors).
This is my start of the ending
The hairy strong bear took Masha to his gloomy cave. She was really upset and unhappy because she had to clean ? the floor, do the dishes and wash his dirty and smelly trousers ?! Masha become the bear’s slave!
Excellent work Isabella!
🙂 Great use of adjectives – I love your first sentence.
🙂 Using because to explain why she felt upset and unhappy.
T) When we have two adjectives before a noun, we put a comma between them: the hairy, strong bear…
Dear Miss,
Here is the start of my ending.
The massive muscly bear took Masha to his spooky cave in the deep forest. Masha was terrified and she missed her granny! She cleaned the dirty, stoney floor and washed the bear’s enormous trousers. Also she cooked a disgusting dinner made of beatles,frogs in blood sauce!
Very well done Emilia!
🙂 Fantastic use of adjectives! You’ve made it very descriptive.
🙂 Including how Masha was feeling.
T) Proof read your final sentence to make sure it reads well. I wonder if it would be better as: She also cooked a disgusting dinner made of beetles and frogs in a blood sauce!
Masha missed her grandmother a lot. She decided to trick the bear to get back home. She made some food, put it in the basket and asked him to take it to grandma. She hid in the bottom of the basket all the way home and jumped out when the bear was near her grandma’s house.
This is how I remember the ending of the Russian traditional tale Masha and the bear.
I didn’t know there was a traditional tale about Masha and the bear. I wonder if Michael Rosen has used that story or made up his own ending as well.
🙂 You’ve got good sentences with excellent punctuation.
T) Try to use some more adjectives in your sentences and add some more details – what food did she make? Was the basket big, small or heavy?
The bear took Masha into the deep, dark part of the forest where he lived. They walked for five miles before they got to the bear’s house. Masha felt scared and worried but hopeful that someone would save her. The bear lived in a very small cave.
Brilliant Catherine!
🙂 You’ve included lots of different adjectives that really describe what the forest was like.
🙂 I love your description of her feelings: scared and worried but also hopeful.
T) Maybe you could include some speech in your next section, choosing what they say, and how they say it, to show what they are feeling.
The massive bear grabbed Masha and slung her into his arms. The bear brought Masha to his home and told her what to do. The bear said cook my dinner. Whash my trousers. Clean the floor. Masha’s friends could not find Masha and told her grandma. They woried a lot. Meanwhle back at the bear’s house Masha made a collosal pot of soup and THE BEAR ATE IT ALL!! Masha had put a special magical potion in the soup, so the bear would fall asleep. The bear fell asleep and the clock stroke midnight. All doors and windows were locked in the house, but there was one escape….the chimney! Masha climbed up the dark, scary chimney and ran as fast as het little legs could carry her. Once she was safe back home Masha has learnt to always to her grandma. Ann from then on Masha always only went to play where her grandma could see her.
What an exciting story Bo!
🙂 I love how many descriptive adjectives you have used: massive, colossal, special, magical, dark and scary.
🙂 Some of your word choices made the story much more exciting, such as using ‘slung’ into of ‘put’
T) Now that you have written your whole story, read it back and check it makes sense. There are some spelling errors that you can correct and I think you could add a bit more to the ending. How did Grandma react to Masha coming back?
The bear took Masha to the cave . The bear is big and brown and love ice-cream.
A good start Joshua!
🙂 Using capital letters and full stops.
🙂 Describing bear
T) Try to mix your adjectives into your sentence, e.g. The big, brown bear took Masha to the cave.
The bears massive muscly paws grabbed Masha and threw her in the messy dirty house. She was forced to wash the floor and tidy up the whole smelly house. She was so sad and she regretted for not listening to grandma’s warning. The friends and Masha’s grandma were searching for Masha but as they were walking they saw a superhero! They told the superhero what had happened to Masha. As Masha was cleaning she bears house she saw the superhero. She was so happy and relieved that she was now out of the bears dirty house.
Brilliant Sophie – what an exciting story!
🙂 I love how many adjectives you have used to make it really descriptiove.
🙂 What an imaginative twist, I wonder what the superhero will do?
T) When we have two adjectives before a noun, we put a comma between them: The bear’s massive, muscly paws…
Dear Miss Carruthers,
The big,furry and mean bear? with terrible claws and knobby knees had dark brown eyes and his teeth ? were sharp and yellow. Masha
was terrified and felt helpless.They arrived to a round,colossal,red
wooden house ? deep in the woods.
Well done Marie!
🙂 A brilliant descriptive start, with so many good adjectives!
🙂 A good character description of the bear.
T) I can’t wait to read what happens next. I hope you will continue to describe their feelings and the action.
After two and a half hours, they finally reached the bear’s house. The bear locked Masha up in the attic, and she felt very worried.
In the basement, there were tubes going through the walls connecting to a potion factory. The bear pushed a button and potion went through the tubes and into his bottles. He made lots of potions, even a potion of invisibility.
Very exciting John!
🙂 I love the twist of the bear creating lots of potions, very imaginative!
🙂 You’ve managed to describe his house really well, I can really picture his basement.
T) When you continue your story, I hope you are able to describe what happens next with the same level of detail.
The bear kept carrying Masha and then he reached his house and made her cook his dinner right away. She really wanted to go home so she had an idea. Masha knew that her friends and Granny were waiting for her to come home but she would have to finish making the bear’s dinner first.
Great work Rebecca!
🙂 I love the suspense you have created with your final sentence – I can’t wait to hear what happens next!
🙂 Using the phrase ‘right away’ adds more detail to what happened.
T) In the rest of your writing, try to keep using adjectives to describe what is happening and how characters are feeling.
The Bear is going to take Masha to his dusty cave.
Masha has to make the Bear his dinner (lamb strew) and wash his trousers.
Her Grandma and friends are very worried and go to look for her in the forest.
Masha escapes in the night and runs home.
The Bear wakes up and is very annoyed and follows her.
Mashas Grandma tells the Bear off and he doesn’t do it again!
Masha is home and happy.
Well done Romey!
🙂 Using some adjectives and describing the cave as dusty.
🙂 Using ‘and’ to join clauses together to make longer sentences.
T) Try to write it as a story (don’t start each sentence on a new line) and include some more details. How does Masha feel when she gets to the cave? How does she escape?
The massive, brown and well-dressed bear took Masha back to his house in the woods. He carried her there but felt tired because Masha was wriggling and trying to escape.
When they got to the bear’s house, he asked her to make his dinner, wash his clothes and clean the floor. Masha did everything to help the bear because she felt sorry for him and he seemed lonely. The big furry bear was happy that Masha had been kind to him and asked her to be his friend. Masha said, “Yes I would like to be your friend and please could you take me home now.” The bear yawned and replied, “Of course but can I have a nap first?” Masha smiled and covered the bear with a soft blanket so he could nap. When he woke up a little while later, Masha had made them banana bread. The bear said “Yummy!” They both ate all the banana bread and then the bear took Masha back to her Grandma’s house. Masha’s grandma had been so worried about her but thanked the bear for bringing Masha back home and invited him to stay for supper.
A brilliant end to the story Jack! You didn’t need to write the whole thing today on the blog, but it was great to read!
🙂 I love how you have made the characters kind and turned the bear from mean to lonely.
🙂 Variety of adjectives used to describe the bear.
T) Add a little bit more to the ending. What was Grandma’s reaction when she saw Masha and the bear?
Jack, I love the way the bear and Masha are so kind to each other.
He took Masha to his home in Bear village. No humans lived there, only bears. They stared at Masha because they had n-n-n-never-ever seen a human. Masha laughed because even the bear soldiers had never seen a human!
The bear took her shopping and bought her a mansion next to his. It turned out he was a nice bear.
He said “if you be my servant you need a decent house.”
“Thank you!” she said.
Back home her friends and her grandma were looking for her. The friends had called out twenty times.
“Come out, we can’t find you.” But she never came.
Her grandma said they should look deep in the woods this time. Grandma had put a tracking device on Masha earlier in the day (just in case) and she connected it with her phone and said “Now we will see where Masha is”. She saw Masha in the middle of Bear village. She was so frightened she ran all the way there with her friends by her side. Grandma said to Masha’s friends
“Hide wherever you can and don’t let the bears see you. We must sneak into where Masha is and get her back home.”
Just at that moment, they dived into the bushes because they saw a bear policeman coming. He said to his friend, “I’m sure I heard some’n here Tom”
The children and grandma whispered to each other “Tom is the name, Tom is the name.”
Tom said “I thought I heard some’n too Barry.”
A big burly inspector bear came up and said “I definitely heard some’n round here.” He got a whole police crew on the job.
Luckily grandma had found a little rabbit hole big enough for all of them and they squeezed down into it and covered it up with brambles they found nearby. “That was a lucky find” said grandma……
TO BE CONTINUED…
Amazing Nadine!
🙂 I love how imaginative you have been, with the whole bear village and how he turns out to be kind.
🙂 Using adjectives to describe parts of your story (like decent, deep, frightened, burly)
T) I’m impressed that you have included some speech. Try to think of words other than said to add more details (e.g. shouted, ordered, shrieked)
The children have certainly worked hard today Miss Carruthers and kept you very busy marking their work. I have really enjoyed reading the different endings to this story. I wonder what Michael Rosen would have thought of them.
They really have worked very hard today! I’ve loved reading all their stories and can’t wait for all the finished ones tomorrow!
The bear ferociously grabbed Masha and took her to his great big dirty house. it stunk like a million farts. Masha had to clean all his every single day. she had to cook his dinner and lunch and make his breakfast in the early morning. even do his dirty, stinky laundry full of spiders and germs. Masha HATED it! but masha had something up her sleeve. she had a back up plan and this time it’ll work
Excellent Gabi!
🙂 Great use of adjectives (great big, dirty house).
🙂 Interesting phrases (something up her sleeve).
T) Don’t forget your capital letters!
The grizzly brown Bear is going to take Masha to his house but Masha does not look like she wants to go.