Good Morning Year 6 and Happy Friday!
Well done for working very hard yesterday- I really enjoyed reading your writing!
Today’s English focus: Published Writing
Once you have edited your writing and you are happy that you cannot improve it further, then it is time to publish it! Type up your writing onto the blog so that other people can read your wonderful writing (make sure that there are no mistakes before you send it in!)
Editing and proof reading is so important…probably even more important as the actual writing! We all make mistakes so we must take time to read through our writing again in order to correct our mistakes.
Once you’ve edited your writing yourself, maybe you could read it to someone in your family? When you read your work to someone else, it can help you identify mistakes. You need to sit together so you can both see the writing, you can hold the editing pen and read out your work. Your partner will then check it makes sense, check spelling and give ideas to make it better.
Make sure you read other people’s work too, it helps us all to get better to borrow ideas for each other! I can’t wait to read all your finished pieces
Mrs Avdiu xx
Good morning Mrs Avdiu,here is my new and improved advert from yesterday:
Dear Dolly
Have you ever wanted a doll with dozens of uses? Have you ever wondered when you would get your DREAM doll? Well, look no further because this is the perfect doll for you! Our Limited eddtion Dear Dolly doll is only available for one week! It can talk to you when you are lonely, tell you jokes when you are sad, and even help you with your work! You could possibly even use it as your nanny!
Multi colour
This is also perfect for night-light sleepers. This magical wonder is a colour changing night light in rainbow colour! It also makes caliming sounds that can help children AND adults that find it hard to sleep such as: gentle water droplets, blue birds chirping and water splashing!
‘New and improved’ – I love that! Definitely something you would see in an advert.. ha ha
I really like your use of rhetorical questions and the way you describe the great things it can do. It sounds fantastic and I want one!
Here i my published
CERAMIC DOVE PENICIL HOLDER!!!!!
Do you ever need a pencil pot but it takes to much space?
Well you have come to the right place, we are selling a shaped pencil pot shaped like a dove. It does not take much space however it does carry a lot of pencils.
It is a really useful gift or present to receive from someone because of all the positive comments we have received. Some of those are; “It is so fashionable for a pencil pot”,”WOW! I got this as a present and I didn’t even know that this was a pencil pot because it was so pretty”.
Guess what! These special doves are always going to be there waiting to be put pencils in and they were hand crafted and painted by volunteers especially for you.
Get them as soon as possible, half price now!!
Hi Elly,
Thank you for this. Please check your use of commas (fourth line). Guess what needs a question mark too.
Can you describe how it looks in more detail?
Thankyou!
Here it is .
ROBO THE ROBOT.
Have you ever wanted to have a robot that can do flips and tricks?
Well this is the perfect place for you. This product is not to big or not to small, it is the perfect size and it even has a remote so you can control him. You can even tell him what to do!!!
The robot is blue and white, and has a switch to turn it on and off, or you can use the romote.
Well these robots are hand made and painted made especially for YOU!
So don’t just sit there GO BUY ONE!!!
I hope you liked it
Thanks Eliza. Please check spelling for ‘to’.
This robot sounds really cool. I am trying to picture how this robot looks but I can’t – apart from knowing it is blue and white with a remote. I would like to know more about the shape and structure of the robot so that if I close my eyes I can picture it 🙂
Here is my advert For…
FLUFFY CUDDLY TEDDY FOR SALE:
Do you need a cuddly teddy to hug you and comfort you when you are asleep. Do you need a fluffy new toy to show off to your friends?
Well you have come to right place!! This is where all of your problems are solved. We have a cuddly fluffy Teddy who could be yours. So come down to the store right now before…
They are all sold out.
Hope you liked my advert.
I love this but avoid saying they’re sold out at the end because then what is the point of the advert? I need this teddy in my life! It sounds great 🙂
FLYING, SWIMMING? DRONING DRONES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you dreamed of the perfect drone. Then this is for you.
The major problem with drones is that they break to easily? This drone is coated in a shinning special protection. A bonus? Its easy to find!!
It also has a night light function. It even goes underwater, and it takes pictures. Perfect for underwater and sky photos.
Get it now!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Gaspard! This sounds like a cool drone! Check spelling for ‘too’ and whether the first statement beginning ‘The major problem…’ needs a question mark.
Do you the best dolls for reasonable prices?Well say no more!
With the allnew lovedoll series.This new seriesn takes everything you love about dolls and action figures and turns them into the best line of figurines.
With this new series you will be able to customize them to your hearts content with accesories , different clothing and hair peices .Then if you get al the female figures of the line, Cinamon, Sugar and Spice(the twins of the line) and V, you will be able to customize them between eachother , plus all the figurines come with exchangeable hands and fully articulated bodies. You can also get Daniel and Lloyd, the two males of the group.
Hi Tim. Thanks for sharing your writing! Please make sure you proofread your work. There are some words missing at the start and the punctuation needs revisiting. They sound like great dolls!
Hello this is my finished advert about Bop it.
BRILLIANT BRAINY BOP IT
are you going to twist turn or bop it.
Are you tired of bringing giant board games on planes and long car journeys?Have you ever been stuck choosing what to get someone a present?Do you wish for more fun?Or an entertaining family game?Do you want to become the coolest kid in school again?Well come and buy a Bop It for it is all your dreams come true!
This very exciting game is funny, never boring, entertaining but also very helpful.As well as being the best toy ever this handy toy helps invigorate your reflexes.Bop It can also be a perfect present for boy or girl if you don’t know what they might like.I assure you they will love Bop It.It isn’t to hard or easy to win at Bop It but it is very exciting.You always want to make sure you do the highest score and someday you might even win.Bop It is good for so many other reasons including that if you are tired of bringing giant board games on planes and long car journeys then BopIt is your problem resolved, for it is only about a hand size and is easy to to tidy and keep away.It is also an enormous blast to play with family;It has no ratings, you can start playing as soon as you know how to speak and you can play no matter how old.With it’s amazing technologie and it’s two options (pass it and solo), Bop It will enlighten your evening.
So come and buy a Bop It NOW!!!Before there all out for I guarantee you, life without Bop It is very boring and sad!!!
BOP IT, The new cool
are you going to twist turn of Bop It.
Wow ‘invigorate your reflexes’ sounds very persuasive! Check spelling for ‘to’. Thanks for sharing this fabulous advert. Have a lovely weekend! 🙂