Hello Class 4!
Well done for all of your brilliant writing yesterday! I was really impressed with how much you had all written and that you all remembered so many of the features of a diary entry.
Today is a chance for you to show your best work. To see yesterday’s blog and your feedback, click here.
As you know your task is to write a diary entry imagining that you are Bobby from our class text.
Your diary entry needs to be set on a rainy day and you must use lots of detail, description and adjectives!
Please make sure you do read your feedback from yesterday and use this to help you to write your final version of your diary. It is there to help you!
If you can, write your final diary entry on paper and send in a photograph of it so that I can see your beautiful handwriting!
Please be patient when waiting for your work to show on the blog. It takes time to upload photos and I am also doing the blogs for Year 1 so apologies if responding is taking slightly longer than usual!
Finally, please make sure you have a wonderful weekend after all of your hard work! On Monday you can tell me what you got up to at the weekend!
I hope to see you all soon!
From Miss Lee đ
FOR A PRINTABLE VERSION OF THIS BLOG, PLEASE CLICK HERE: English
Dear Diary,
Today was the best day of my life! It was pouring with rain and, as such, a perfect day to go to Bushy Park where we spent a glorious couple of hours.
There was absolutely no one at the park, which meant we could do anything we wanted. We started stamping in puddles and making a gigantic mess. There was mud everywhere, even in my trousers!
The real fun started when I landed in a large puddle and splashed water all over Betty’s new spotty red skirt. She then decided to take revenge by jumping into a larger puddle, drenching not only me but Mum too. Everybody laughed as I crawled out, covered in oozy, sticky mud.
Like always, Dad cracked a joke but this time about mud-balls, which led to an extraordinary mud-ball fight. There were clumps of smelly mud flying all over the place, like cannonballs going across no man’s land. It was complete mayhem, but it was absolutely fantastic! I loved every minute of it. My favourite part of the day was when Uncle Tony tipped a tin full of muddy water all over Mum. It was HILARIOUS.
After we got back home and washed, we sat in the lounge and had hot buttered crumpets, slices of fruit cake and milky tea. Minnie came over to play with us. We told her about our day, and she was shocked; she couldn’t understand why we love getting so muddy like that. Humans!
Bobby
Hello Sophie,
This is a brilliant diary entry!
You have written in the first person and in the past tense and your writing is in chronological order.
You have also included some of Bobby’s thoughts and feelings to make the diary seem more personal! Well done!
Next time, include even more description about what you could see and, for example, how the puddles felt as they splashed onto your fur.
Hello Miss Lee ,
i was ill yesterday so should i start all over again
I am sorry to hear you were ill! Are you feeling better?
Don’t worry about going back, just have a go at writing your full diary today! Unless you want to send me the first part and wait for feedback, it is up to you!
Hello miss I will send you my work once I read my feedback. I promise I’ll be patien thank you very much.
Will we still be reading the Bolds next week?
Hello Stella, well done for reading your feedback! That will help you to write the best possible diary entry!
Yes we will continue reading the Bolds next week but then after that we will move onto something different!
Hello Miss Lee i was absent yesterday i was wondering if i should start the diary entry all over not do it
p.s i was ill not partying
Hello Nina, sorry I thought I replied to this but maybe it did not send!
I am sorry to hear you were ill, are you feeling better now?
Don’t feel you have to start over if you are not feeling up to it you could give some useful feedback to your classmates about their work but saying 2 things they did well and 1 thing to improve next time.
hello miss
can you do your final diary entry on your blog?
just asking…
or do you have to write it in your home learning book?
reply to me by answering back.?
Hello Amarissa!
If you can it would be great to write it on paper so that you can present your work beautifully!
But whichever is easiest for you to do as I don’t want to make it more difficult to complete the task.
Some people prefer typing some prefer writing!
The bolds went back home but all the kids were all ruined.They went home and had a big rest for school tomorrow. A bird landed on there windowsill and they let the little bird in and fed it like a pet.
Hi Albert!
Well done for adding more details about what Bobby and his family did after being out in the rain!
I like the idea of letting bird in the window and feeding it!
Just check capitals and spellings (‘bolds’ should be ‘Bolds’ because it is their surname and ‘there’ in your sentence should be ‘their’ because the windowsill belongs to them).
Today was a fun day, because there was muddy puddles left over from yesterday’s mud ball fight. We just had to hope that it would rain, so we did our normal activities like charades or duk duk hyena, hide and peek lot’s of games. We were waiting for a while and we didn’t realise that it was raining I was so happy to go back out side in the rain with my family.
Hello Ciana!
Well done for adding more detail about what Bobby and his family did before going out in the rain!
I love the idea of ‘duck duck hyena!’ It sounds like they had a fun morning!
Next time, add in even more description, use adjectives to describe what Bobby could see, hear, feel and even smell!
I will hand write and send in.
Dear Diary,
Today was the best day of my life because my family and friends went to the park and played in the rain. It was raining like cats and dogs and felt like a thousand buckets of water being poured on my head. We all jumped in wet muddy puddles, kicked and splashed water everywhere. We all had a blast and got water and mud all over our clean clothes. After a long few hours we had to go homeâŚGrrrr!
Once we got home we all had a nice relaxing bath. After that we dried up and got in our warm clothes and had a cup of hot chocolate with homemade chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven.
Well done Ajay!
You have included more details in paragraph 2, great work! Chocolate chip cookies… now I am hungry!
It sounds like Bobby had a lovely day! You have also written in first person and the past tense!
Next time, add even more detailed descriptions using lots of adjectives. How did they hot chocolate taste? What did the cookies smell like? How did the puddles feel when they splashed onto Bobby’s fur?
ok Miss Lee
Dear Diary,
Today was the best day ever because it all of a sudden started to rain âď¸ so hard that it could be dangerous but I (Bobby) and my family donât care because we love ? rain!!!
As we got reddy to leave the house we asked our uncle Tony who is also a hyena like us if he wanted to come with us to and he said yes. We also asked Miranda the monkey.? As well as our next-door neighbour McNumpty ( who is a grizzly bear ? not a hyena)
We finally left the house.? We started with just jumping over puddles in till I landed in a huge puddle ( shhh ? donât tell but I might have done it on purpose) Everyone was laughing ? but then Betty my twin jumped so high that she landed with a great big splash!!!! Right in the middle of an even larger dark puddle then me.
And then things got a bit at of control.
Super work Tijne!
Well done for adding more detail about the rainy day!
You have written in the first person and the past tense!
Your writing is also in chronological order. You have written some great sentences which make it sound like Bobby is talking to the reader (or his diary) which really engages the reader, well done!
Next time, include more character feelings, describe how each part of the day made you feel and why.
Dear Diary,
Todayâs weather was EPIC!!! It pouring down with rain.?Perfect weather for a trip to the park. This (of course) means one thing: wet, muddy puddles! ?So we went to the park with Uncle Toney, Miranda and Mr McNumpty.
At the park, I saw an especially large puddle, and instinctively jumped in, splashing Betty with brown, sticky mud. She tried to get her revenge by jumping into an exceptionally deep puddle, engulfing me and her from head to toe in mucky water! Soon everyone was involved in a heated game of mud ball.
There was a loooooong cue to the bath ? once we got home but now everyone is wrapped up in a warm towel and in the lounge.
Bobby
Hello Vincent!
Well done for adding another paragraph to describe Bobby’s day!
You have also written in first person and past tense, great work!
Then ending sounds like they had a calming evening after a very hectic (and messy) day!
Next time, add some more details about what the character could see and how they felt throughout the day using lots of adjectives and expanded noun phrases.
Dear diary,
Today was the best day I have had in my life!apart from my noisy alarm clocks, Minnie and Betty.I woke up,annoyed, and put my soggy yellow wellington boots and my wet raincoat on.we had the best fun!my mummy put her favorite earings on, and put a plastic bag on so they dont get destroyed.
Hello Amarissa!
Well done for adding in full stops and commas! It reads so much better, great work!
I can see you have also included some more adjectives, well done!
Next time, describe the character’s feelings in even more detail, for example maybe Bobby was excited when he was getting ready to go out? Or maybe his soggy wellington boots were so wet a shiver went down his spine?
Dear Diary,
Today, I had a muddy day. I was looking calmly out the window and I saw heavy rain. I thought we should get wet so dad ,mum,Miranda and I went to the park together. I was chasing my dad when… “paf!” I fell in the deep mucky ,mud I thought I was going to cry but I laughed . The fun continued Dad told us jokes they were all rubbishly hilarious and we had a big, sticky,mud fight It was extremely fun! I even had mud on my face and in my boots. I threw some mud on mumâs hat which she made out of rubbish. I think I made her angry whoops.
We returned home and ran to the bathroom but there was an enormous queue ,an hour after, everyone was dry and clean.I just can’t wait until tomorrow. We love rain because it turns the mud sticky and gooey so we can throw it at each other.
Hello Martin!
Well done for adding more detail to your first paragraph and for describing what Bobby and his family got up to after jumping in the puddles!
You have also written chronological order, well done!
Next time, include even more adjectives to describe what Bobby could see. For example when he was looking out the window and saw heavy rain, you could write about what the rain looked like as it was falling and what it sounded like as it hit the window.
Dear diary,
Today was the best day of my life, because I got to jump in puddles and it was super slippery when it stared raining. I had some much fun!
This day made me feel super happy because jumping in puddles is my favourite thing to do.
I felt so uncomfortable when I jumped in the puddle because I was wearing to many clothes. I felt really soggy and hot.
Hello Karter!
Well done for including Bobby’s feelings this time! You have read your feedback carefully and responded, excellent work!
You have also written in the first person and past tense!
Next time, think about which other details you could add to your diary entry so that you describe the whole day.
Miss Lee, I don’t have my feedback from yesterday, so I don’t know if I did it right at the start of my diary. Thank you!
Sorry Clare, I have just replied now! I think it was from yesterday when the website put your comments into the spam folder!
Dear Diary,
Today it was rainy. I went outside with my neighbours and my family to play in mud and puddles. My sister found an enormous puddle. I could feel massive raindrops on my hands. One of my neighbours started a mud fight. It was fun because my dad kept on telling jokes. Everyone laughed.
I could smell mud: I love its perfume! I liked being soaked. Because we were so wet, we went home to dry ourselves. I would like to stay wet, but in a few minutes I was dry.
Then, I went to play with my sister. My dad was busy making jokes for crackers. My sister tried telling jokes. They were not as funny as dadâs jokes but it was funny to have more silly jokes from my sister. I was feeling happy. I could hear the noise of the cars outside. It was peaceful to be at home.
What a day!
Hello Louis!
Well done for responding to feedback and adding more detail!
You have written in the first person and past tense, great work!
You have also written in chronological order!
Next time, add more description about the setting. For example describe the rain. What did it look like? How did it sound?
Hello Miss Lee,
This is my diary
Dear Diary,
Today was the best day ever, it just started to rain so me my sister Betty, Mum, Dad, Mr Mcnumpty, Uncle tony and Miranda went out to jump in puddles. Most people in fact everyone thought we were weird then we started to have a mud fight it was fun. Dad told us jokes, they were very funny.
Then we went home and had a shower and had some thing to eat it was yummy! Then a pigeon banged on the window. My and Betty’s friend Minny was the only person who new that our family were Hyenas. Then mum and dad noticed the pigeon pecking at the window and decided to let it in.
Hello Mayowa!
Thank you for sharing!
Well done for writing in the first person and the past tense! You have also written in chronological order. Great work!
Next time, try to use varied sentence openers to avoid using ‘then’ too often and to engage your reader further.
Dear Diary,
I’m Bobby and today I had a fantastic time of playing in the rain with Miranda and our next-door neighbour, Mr McNumpty the grizzly bear.We went to bushy park and I landed in an extremely large puddle and it splashed all over my twin sister, Betty!We had heaps of fun and as always, dad couldn’t miss a chance to crack a joke.Then we went home for tea with Minnie.
Hello Clara!
Well done for writing in chronological order and in the first person!
Great work!
Next time add even more detailed descriptions about what Bobby could see, smell and hear.
Dear Diary
Today was was such a fun day! I, Sis , Mom and Dad went in the rain. We were jumping in puddles, It was so much fun.
I and Sis were jumping in big puddles, I hope we could do it again another day cause this is really fun doing this. I love jumping in puddles, you can really have a lot of fun in the rain. Especially me, I have a lot of fun.
I jumped on a pretty large puddle and it splashed everywhere and it made my sis new skirt all dirty, she took revenge and Jumped on a even Bigger puddle! It splashed all over me and on mom to. We were all covered in mud, it was HILARIOUS, I started laughing so hard! There was nobody at the park so we just did whatever we want! It was so much fun!
Then we did not really know what to do then Dad got an amazing idea We would tell some jokes. Dad’s Joke were extremely funny, sis’s jokes were not really good (no offence Sis if you ever read this) and we were laughing so much. I felt like this was the BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!
Well done Raimundo, I am impressed that you have managed to write so much! Great work!
Well done for writing in the first person and in the past tense!
Next time, include even more descriptions about what your character can see, feel and hear.
Friday 12th May 2020
Dear Diary, CONTINUED DIARY:
The rain ? was soaking wet on me but I didn’t care as I sploshed right in each puddle. The puddles were sticky, gooey and muddy and that was how I liked it! So we got a bit cheeky as Miranda throwed the icky mud of her hand at Mrs Bold’s back and Mr McNumpty bouncing the water at Mr Bold and Uncle Tony.
Then me and Betty joined in and we each got stuck in a giant muddy puddle rain ball competition! We were laughing so LOUDLY at Dad’s jokes and ended up making some up for him. I was glad that the rain had started getting heavier, our raincoats pulled back and the wind was louder, our hats flew off.
Bobby
Hello Elisa!
Excellent work for reading your feedback carefully and adding more description about the rainy weather! You have also included more detail about Bobby’s day and have engaged the reader well! Super work!
Next time, include even more character thoughts and feelings to make the diary entry even more intriguing.
Hi Miss Lee! This is my diary:
Dear Diary,
Today was so much fun! After breakfast, I looked out the window to see… rain splashing crazy along with puddles forming everywhere!! It was the best thing that happened so far today. I was with my family, of course which made it even more fun! My sister then jumped into a extensive, muddy puddle which I thought was quiet funny as I saw her struggle to get out. Luckily, she did. After seeing her all covered in mud as we laughed, I then decided to go in one (a puddle). Impatiently, I jumped into a puddle and rolled around with laughter. Then, my dad told us a joke and we laughed, though my mum was the one laughing hard enough. It was funny though in my opinion.
My mum told us that we have to get going, in case someone sees us anywhere. True, not going to lie, although I had so much fun :(. When we went back to our house, surprisingly, I saw a HUGE queue to the bathroom! Awww do I really have to wait that long?
Finally it was my turn, and took a warm and relaxing bath. We then had a special treat.. biscuits coated with creamy chocolate and warm milk! Best time to relax, especially the greatest day I’ve had so far I say!
Hello Clare!
Fantastic work for reading your feedback and using lots of varied sentence openers to engage your reader! Well done!
Great work for writing in chronological order and for using words like ‘after’ and ‘finally’ to show this.
Next time, include even more character thoughts and feelings to show how each event throughout the day affected the person writing the diary (in this case, Bobby).
Dear Diary,
It is early April and today it was a muddy day and poured rain! Me and my family we went out into the rainy weather and we messed about in the mud. I jumped into an enormously big puddle and splashed mud all over my sister, Betty! After that she jumped in an even bigger puddle, but surprisingly it was deeper than she had expected and she was completely soaked. Mum and dad were also stacked and daddy was telling jokes as usual. There were also my uncle Tony with Miranda and Mr McNumpty. Whilst my mother was laughing at my daddyâs joke, her hat fell off and Uncle Tony grabbed it and filled it with mud. Then he poured it all over her
It was great to play in the mud, I would like to do it everyday! Unfortunately we had to wash afterâŚ
Unexpectedly a bird tapped on the window before we watched a film.
I hope that it will rain again tomorrow so that we can play in the mud again. My sister and I are crossing all our fingers.
B.
Hello Paolo!
Well done for adding some more details after yesterday’s feedback!
You have included lots of Bobby’s thoughts which makes the diary seem personal and engages the reader.
I also love that you have continued to use varied sentence openers such as ‘Unexpectedly,’ to ensure your writing is interesting.
Next time, describe how your character is feeling after each event throughout the day.
Dear Diary,
Yesterday (I don’t know why ) I woke up very excited.
Suddenly, I remembered the weather forecast said that it was going to RAIN!!!
Then I ran downstairs to have my breakfast as fast as I could and went back upstairs again to get dressed.
I needed to wear my warmest jumper, my cosiest trousers, my new pair of rain boots and my water proof hat!
Then, I was ready to face the day of mud and rain. I loved jumping on giant puddles!
My mum joined in the mud fight game. Then the rest of my family joined in the game! There was mud flying around the air everywhere. Everybody’s face was covered and sometimes it was hard to see who was who! Then I got thirsty. Because everybody was pretty tired, we decided to go home for tea. We remembered to leave our rain boots outside but still lots of drops of mud came inside the house with us. I never thought rain could be so much fun.