Hello Class 4!
Well done for all of your fantastic work yesterday! You are doing such an amazing job at interacting with the blogs every day!
Today we are going to begin our writing task. Remember Thursday’s blog is for you to post the start of your writing so that I or you classmates can give you feedback before you write your final version for tomorrow’s blog. Your writing task will be linked to our new class text. You might want to reread chapter 1 here:
The Bold Go Wild Chapter 1
Here is your writing task:
Think back to Tuesday’s grammar blog where we used effective adjectives to describe different pictures. One of those pictures was a rainy day, so your ideas from there will help you. When we write a diary we include lots of description about what we could see and how we felt so you will need lots of adjectives today. Remember a diary is not a story so we don’t usually include speech.
Diary entries are sometimes called recounts. Watch this short video clip about how to write a recount. Take note of the points written underneath the video which explain how to successfully write a recount.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/topics/z2yycdm/articles/zgfhcj6
Here is a reminder of the key features of a diary entry:
Today’s blog is a chance for you to write your first paragraph of your diary. Before posting make sure you check punctuation and spelling so that you can get some valuable feedback about your work. This will help you to write an effective diary entry ready to be published tomorrow!
For an extra challenge, see if you can include some of this week’s spelling words in your writing! Here they are as a reminder:
I know from class that you are all excellent at writing diary entries so I really look forward to reading your first paragraphs today!
From Miss Lee đ
FOR A PRINTABLE VERSION OF THIS BLOG, PLEASE CLICK HERE: English
Hello Miss, I have completed the task in my Yellow Home Learning Book. I will send you a photo of my first paragraph
Love,
Sophie
Hi Sophie, great work and thank you for sending in your work. I just made a few changes to it, I will upload the photo. Think about another paragraph, what else could you do on a rainy day? Can you describe Bushy Park? The reader may have never been there before! What might you have seen there? How did each part of the day make you feel?
Hi Miss Lee,
I have sent you a photo of my first draft.
I thought in a diary we did not have speech marks?
On the reminder it says you should.
Can I write my first paragraph here so that I can send you the rest?
Do we have to be Bobby?
Hi Stella, it says ‘we don’t usually include speech marks’ meaning we don’t have speech in a diary.
Yes that is fine to write your first paragraph on the blog, I look forward to reading it!
Yes the writing task says to imagine you are Bobby, I am sure you will think of lots of great ideas!
Thank you miss.
Dear Diary
Yesterday was a really fun day, because we were on our way home from school and work all that kind of stuff. There was a massive thunder cloud and it just started pooring with rain I mean when dose rain happen unexpectedly?ď¸so we rushed in side to get our rain coats then rushed back out side for the muddy puddles. We had a mud ball fight and my sister slipped in one.
This sounds great Ciana! You have written in the past tense and in the first person, well done!
I like your use of the rhetorical question (make sure you have used a question mark) as this really engages the reader!
Spellings to check:
‘pooring’
‘dose’
In your next paragraph think about what else Bobby might do on the rainy day! Add in his thoughts and feelings too.
Dear diary
My family went to the park, it was rainy and gloomy that day and nobody was at the park At all , me and my family saw a very muddy puddle It was about the length of a car and at that minute We all ran to the puddle and all rolled around getting our fur covered In muddy water and we even started a mud fight (like a snowball fight) We had a great time and Got very dirty ! After a Fun day we all went home .
Hello Albert, this sounds really good, well done! I like that you remembered Bobby has fur and mentioned them all rolling in the muddy puddles!
You have used some good language to engage the reader.
Just check punctuation (some words/phrases look like good sentence starters but there is no full stops so I am not too sure if they are your sentence starters).
Then have a think about what else Bobby could do on the rainy day. Add in some thoughts and feelings too!
Hello miss lee
I have done my first paragraph and will send you a picture. ???
Hello Holly!
Thank you, I look forward to seeing it!
Hi Holly I’ve had a look at your work and made a few changes (see the photo). It is sounding good so far, you have written it so that it sounds like Bobby is really talking to the reader, well done!
Next, try to add even more detail about Bobby’s thoughts and feelings. Describe how Bobby felt whilst jumping in the puddles. Explain this in lots of detail, such as him jumping up high into the air and splashing down into the icy, muddy puddle. How did it feel when the droplets splashed onto Bobby’s fur?
Dear diary,
today was the best day of my life because i got to go in puddles when it was raining i had some much fun!
This day made me feel super happy because i got to do my favourite
and the puddle was humongous.
Hello Karter! Well done for including Bobby’s feelings in your first paragraph.
Next, try to include even more detail about the day, describe what the puddles looked like, how the rain felt as it dripped onto Bobby’s fur and the sound the rain made as it splashed into the puddles!
Also check capital letters and full stops (your first sentence ‘today’ should start with a capital and it should be broken into two sentences with a fulls top).
Dear Diary,
I had the best day ever! The clouds were extra heavy today. My whole family was here: my mom, dad, my sister and uncle Tony, and others.
We all jumped in the oozing mucky mud. My sister jumped in for a minute, but it was quite deep so she chuckled a bit. My dad told us a dad joke, not going to lie, but it was actually quite hilarious.
Hello Pablo, a great start to your diary entry!
I like your sentence ‘The clouds were extra heavy today.’ It makes me picture dark stormy clouds and lots of heavy rain!
Next, add some of Bobby’s feeling and go on to describe the puddles and the rain in even more detail!
Maybe they do something else on the rainy day too?
Dear Diary,
It is early April and today it rained buckets! Together with my family we went out into the rainy weather and played in the mud. I jumped in a big pebble and splashed mud all over my sister. After that she jumped in an even bigger puddle, but surprisingly it was deeper than she had expected and she was completely soaked. Mum and dad were also stacked and daddy was telling jokes as usual. There were also my uncle Tony with Miranda and Mr McNumpty. Whilst my mother was laughing at my daddyâs joke, her hat fell off and Uncle Tony grabbed it and filled it with mud.
It was great to play in the mud, I would like to do it everyday! Unfortunately we had to wash after…
Unexpectedly a bird tapped on the window before going to bed.
Hello Paolo, a super start to your diary! I am impressed you have managed to write so much!
You have used some varied sentence openers to make sure your sentences interest the reader.
You have also used full stops and commas carefully, well done!
Next, add another paragraph, either, a paragraph before this one perhaps about Bobby staring out the window watching the rain, describe what the rain looked like to him and how it made him feel. Or, a paragraph after this one describing what Bobby did before going to bed and how he felt at the end of the day after his day in the rain.
Thursday 11th June 2020
Dear Diary,
Today was such a fun day and it couldn’t get funnier the slightest bit. Me and Betty were so excited to go outside in the muddy rain and puddles and jump up and down everywhere. I wasn’t nervous to splash straight away in the filthy water and spray everyone’s faces because there wasn’t anyone watching except us. I was really encouraged to push Betty in the large puddle and what was really funny was that my mom was right behind Betty and she also landed in the puddle! I thought she was CRAZY as I was laughing my head off and so was my dad.
He even pulled out the best joke of his which was ‘ Ha ha, what does a cloud wear under its raincoat?’ ‘A Thunderwear!’ We all burst out laughing and snorting. After that, we were in a bit of a pickle throwing mud balls especially at Uncle Tony, Mr McNumpty and Miranda.
Bobby
Hello Elisa! Wow you have managed to write lots, well done!
You have written this really well and it really sounds like Bobby thoroughly enjoyed his day in the rain!
Next, add even more description about the rain and the puddles. Use lots of adjectives so that the reader can picture exactly how rainy and muddy it was!
Dear Diary,
Today, I had a muddy day. With dad, mum and Miranda we went to the park. Dad told us jokes and we had a big, sticky mud fight. It was very fun! I even had mud on my face and in my boots. I threw some mud on mum’s hat which she made out of rubish, she was angry.
Hi Martin, a good start, thank you for sending it to me!
You have written in the first persona and in the past tense!
Just check the sentence ‘With dad, mum and Miranda we went to the park.’ Can you change it slightly to ensure it makes sense?
Then add some descriptive detail about the rainy day.
Maybe at the start of your diary Bobby is watching the rain out of his window? You could describe what it looks like and then when he is outside describe how the rain feels.
27th April 2035 (a really muddy day)
Dear Diary,
Today was the most fun though muddy day of my life!
humans
Today was the day when the rain splashed down. We hyenas (cross that out) love the rain but this was a very particular day.If by miracle someone steals my diary, and he is a human, donât bother reading this for you will nay understand. – NOT because I have secrets.
My parents decided we could go out for a shower (not that we will be cleaned afterwards) with our friends, Mr McNumpty the grizzly bear Miranda the monkey and our uncle called Tony. We decided to go to the bushy park we know is very wet on rainy days. The towering trees let the rain slide of there branches and patches of fresh, green and wet grass vanished to let the royal sticky overflowing mud fill the blank gaps with enthusiasm. Without one second to lose we all dived and played in that victorious liquid! Nothing can be better then that. In addition, dad said it was good for our skin and it kept mosquitoes away.
And that is the end of my first paragraph. I hope you like it as I have focused on the adjectives that I could use to make my writing as fantastic as possible using the reminder and what we have learned in class. I will send you the rest and you can put it on the blog.
Thank you miss Lee.
Hello Stella!
Well done for reading the instructions and reminders carefully and trying to include everything in your diary. It is great that you have included so manay adjectives as this was our grammar focus this week! I am very impressed with your hard work!
A great first paragraph, well done!
Just check spellings of homophones and similar words.
Some examples:
‘of’ or ‘off’
‘there’ or ‘their’
‘then’ or ‘than’
Where are the homophones?
I’ve written them for you in yesterday’s comment đ
Dear diary,
Today was the best day that I have ever had with my family!Should I tell you all about it?we hyenas used to live in Africa,when we had no rain,apart from that,we didnât need to dress up like a silly ? human!(no offence)as always,my little sister,Betty and my other cousin(or so,)Minnie always wake me up like an alarm clock â° (I already have one of those.)(now I have 2.)and goesâWWWeEeeEeeEeyyyUuUuUuu
WewwEeEeEEeEeEeEYYyyYYyuUuUuuUuUuuU!,!!!big bro,wake up!
Mummy says that we can go splash in muddy puddles like we do in Africa!â(well,the âmummy says weâre going to jump in muddy puddles âpart is new,so thatâs something.)
We live in teddington,yes,sure,âwhy aren’t you hyenas living in Africa and not teddy land?Well we should of been,by now.our home was destroyed by lions,and leopards…but I donât want to bring that up…
So as we didnât want to get arrested and put in hyena prison, bars,and wearing little prison doggy outfits,We put on leather Jackets so we could blend in…Betty tried to make everyone else taller,but it didnât work as we all looked like we just had a mud bath outside…and thatâs what we where gonna do!you see,you humans donât like to get wet,so we not supposed to do hyena things or itâll look suspicious ?…but we are only supposed to do it in secret.so I put my rainboots on,and raincoat on.dad always wants me to be like him,the family clown,but I prefer something else.I donât want to be the laughing ? stock and help my dad make up jokes…we ha d breakfast…and guess what it was…..mud pie ?!it was so delicious ? that I just gobbled it up in one âď¸ go!
Hi Amarissa!
Wow you have been working hard this morning, well done!
You have written lots of information about Bobby’s life and it really sounds like he is talking to the reader!
Next, can you describe the rain and the muddle puddles? Also check capital letters and full stops.
Hi Miss Lee,
Here is my first part or the my dairy.
Dear Diary,
Today was fantastic because all of it sudden it started to rain. âď¸ So me and my family ran over to get our friends. And then it was time to play in the rain!!!!!!
Hi Tijne! Thank you for sending the first part.
You have written in first person and in the past tense, well done!
Next, add some more descriptions about the rain and the muddy puddles. Also see if you can include Bobby’s thoughts and feelings.
Dear Diary, ?
Today the weather was EPIC! It was pouring down with rain?! This means: (of course) wet and muddy PUDDLES! We went to the park with Uncle Toney, Miranda and Mr McNumpty. In the park, I saw an extremely large puddle and instinctively jumped in, splashing my sister. She shrieked and hopped into a super deep one covering herself and me in mud from head to toe, which began a mud ball fight. Afterward we all felt freezing but now we are all in the lounge and clean.
Bobby
Hello Vincent!
A super start to your diary! I love the use of the word instinctively as it makes it sound like Bobby couldn’t control himself when he saw the puddles!
I really like the way you have written you diary as it really engages the reader and makes jumping in puddles sound so much fun!
Next, can you add another paragraph describing the rest of the day? Include more adjectives and Bobby’s thoughts and feelings.
dear diary today was the best day of my life because i was on way way home i and i stepped in a humongous puddle and the clouds where extra rainy but i had to rush inside to get my rainy coat i called my sister she came and as soon as she came out she slipped
and also when i started running i slipped too and i actully slipped two times
Hello Giordano!
A super start to your diary entry, well done!
Oh no, I hope Bobby and his sister were okay after they slipped in the rain!
Next, check for full stops and capital letters. Then add another paragraph describing what Bobby and his sister did in the puddles and how Bobby felt!
Hi Miss Lee and everyone!
Here is my first paragraph of my diary.
Dear Diary,
Today was so much fun! You see, it was raining like crazy causing lots of puddles to form everywhere! It was the best thing that happened so far today. I was with my family, of course which made it even more fun! My sister then jumped into a puddle but it was a little extensive but quite funny. I then jumped into the puddle and rolled around with laughter. Then my dad then told us a joke and we laughed, though my mum was the one laughing hard enough. It was funny though in my opinion.
Hello Clare!
Sorry I missed your post, it must have been from when the website was sending them to the spam folder! I think that is all fixed now though!
A great start to your diary entry, well done!
You have written in first person and past tense!
You have also included some extra details which tell the reader how Bobby was feeling, great work!
Now think abut using some exciting sentence starter to engage your reader further.
You could use ‘Excitedly, I jumped into the puddles.’ or ‘After breakfast,’
Dear Diary
Today was one of the best days ever. It was such a wonderful day me, my friends and family went outside and jumped in wet muddy puddles. We splashed water everywhere while the rain kept on pouring on us. We had a blast.
Once we got home we all had a bath. After that we dried up and got in are warm clothes.
Hello Ajay!
A lovely start to your diary entry! You have written in the past tense and first person. You have also used varied sentence openers to ensure your sentences are interesting and engage the reader.
Next, can you include more detail about Bobby jumping in the puddles. Describe what the rain looked. sounded and felt like. Also think about how Bobby felt as he was jumping in the puddles.
Then look at paragraph 2. What other details can you add? Can you describe how Bobby felt in the bath? Maybe relaxed? Or maybe he hates baths? Maybe they had a nice hot chocolate to get warm?
Dear Diary ,
I had the best day of my life! It was pouring with rain, It was so much fun!
It all started on a dull day, until me and my sister Betty found a puddle. I was too impatient I jumped right in, but Betty waited and I splashed mud all over her. This started a mud fight until we all got drenched in mud. The day was almost over, as they say, “time flies when you are having fun.”
Hi Emilie!
This is a great start to your diary entry!
I like that you said you were ‘too impatient’ and jumped right into the muddy puddles. It makes it sound like this is Bobby’s favourite thing to do!
Next, include more of Bobby’s thoughts and feelings. Also describe the rainy day and the puddles in more detail so that the reader can imagine it.
Hi William,
I’ve just seen your message and received today’s work.
If you check yesterday’s blogs I replied to your RE and English comments but there was no comment for maths, did you send me work for maths, if so I can not see it, could you please send it again?
I am just reading through yours and a few others’ English work for today and then I will post feedback.
Apologies if my responses are taking a while, I am also doing Year 1 blogs at the moment too!
Dear Diary,
Today it was rainy. I went outside with my neighbours and my family to play in mud and puddles. My sister found an enormous puddle. I could feel massive raindrops on my hands. One of my neighbours started a mud fight. It was fun because my dad kept on telling jokes. Everyone laughed.
I could smell mud: I love its perfume! I liked being soaked. Because we were so wet, we went home to dry ourselves. I would like to stay wet, but in a few minutes I was dry.
What a day!
Hello Louis!
This is a brilliant start to your diary, well done!
You have used punctuation and written some effective words and phrases to engage your reader!
Next, can you add a little more detail? Maybe another paragraph about what you did when you got home?
Recap:we woke up and then put my wellies on and I live in Africa we live now in teddington. And we try to blend in and not to hyena stuff.
PART 2:
Then, I helped my sister get her tight wellies and raincoat on.it was very exhausting,but,we did it!My mum told me to do minnies buttons, but she didnât want to buckle it up, so,fair enough.My mum put her favourite earrings on and put a plastic bag ? on them so they donât get wet.Pretty weird,huh?i thought so.we went outside,but the only one who wasnât wearing a raincoat was daddy.he was wearing a suit,because he saidâI need to be like a real dad…so we went,but he totally regret wearing that suit.now itâs just strings of cotton now.
We splashed,and we had a mud contest.itâs basicially where who makes the biggest muddy puddle splash. Daddy didnât want to ruin his suit so he just sat down.Me and mummy and Mim Iâd and bettie competed.and Minnie won.woth her family, she was calledâthe lucky muckyâ.
Goodness me you are working extremely hard today Amarissa! Well done! You have written so much for your diary you should be proud of your hard work!
It sounds like Bobby and his family had a fun day in the rain!
Just ensure you proof-read your work to check for capital letters and any repeated words in sentences (I know it is a little different writing on the blog compared to in our books so it takes some getting used to).
Hello William, thank you for sending in your work! I am so impressed with how much you have written, you have been working so hard this morning! Your diary entry includes some great language and sentence openers to engage the reader, well done!
See if you can take out the speech and add this detail a different way and include some thoughts and feelings. Both of these will help your diary to sound more personal and less like a story.
Dear Diary
Today was was such a fun day! I, Sis , Mom and Dad went in the rain. We were jumping in puddles, It was so much fun.
I and Sis were jumping in big puddles, I hope we could do it again another day cause this is really fun doing this. I love jumping in puddles, you can really have a lot of fun in the rain. Especially me, I have a lot of fun.
Hello Raimundo,
Well done for starting your diary!
You have written in the past tense and the first person well done!
It sounds like Bobby had lots of fun jumping in the puddles!
Next, can you describe the rainy weather in a bit more detail before moving onto the main part of the day? This will help the reader to really picture what type of day it was.